December's full Moon is also called the Long Nights Moon by some Native American tribes..as it falls during the time of year that has short days and looooong nights! 

I was planning to write to everyone today requesting that you to add a few “Acts of Kindness” to your " to do" list. As you know, I usually ask for one little act but I was thinking that we could to do more this month to honor both John and Newtown. I know he would have been moved by this tragedy and would be happy that we were adding some happiness to the world.

I also wanted to suggest that one act this month could be to buy American. I KNOW for a fact that John would like this one. When the band was beginning to get popular they sold a lot of shirts and I remember an endless string of emails discussing the purchase…John was voting for made in America. He wrote a paper his freshman year in college about the Maquiladoras, which are the sweatshops located on the Mexican side of the U.S. border as a direct result of NAFTA. The professor used the research John did on that paper to convince the college to sponsor a group to visit Mexico and observe these factories. John was very passionate about buying American.

In fact, when he was able to be sponsored by a drum company..it was American made Noble and Cooley that he chose…the oldest drum company in America. I know I told you that story and that it was the “happiest day of his life”. I think that he was happy about the drum set and proud that he was using a company that was from his home state..keeping his neighbors employed!

John didn’t have to be told how important it was to buy American..he just knew it. He was way ahead of his time on this concept…as he was with many ideas. And that is why I know he would be so happy about this months blog..26 little acts of kindness and at least one of them to keep your friend working…it would make his day! I think he would be happy if you were from another country and bought an item from that country too...he just liked to keep people working for a decent wage.

Good luck and I would love to know what everyone did…here is the link to Ann Curry’s website that may inspire you..because in the end…we are all in this world together.

https://www.facebook.com/26acts

October 2012

October - Full Hunter’s Moon or Full Harvest Moon –This full Moon is often referred to as the Full Hunter’s Moon, Blood Moon, or Sanguine Moon. Many “moons “ ago, Native Americans named this bright moon for obvious reasons. The leaves are falling from trees, the deer are fattened, and it’s time to begin storing up meat for the long winter ahead. Because the fields were traditionally reaped in late September or early October, hunters could easily see fox and other animals that come out to glean from the fallen grains. Probably because of the threat of winter looming close, the Hunter’s Moon is generally accorded with special honor, historically serving as an important feast day in both Western Europe and among many Native American tribes.

I know I have mentioned that I would never EVER be considered for the best parent award and here is the proof.

When John was in kindergarten he was always in trouble. When I look back on his early schooling I wish I had stayed home with him…he was very sensitive to touch so when people got in his space…as little kids always do…it would send him into orbit…and sometimes he would even hit another kid…and if I saw it and called him out he would reply that they hit him first! (which ,of course, was not true but he thought that they really had hit him because his personal bubble was so huge!!) Sometimes he would hit the kid and than grab his arm with as if to say…ohhhh, I didn’t mean it! It truly was a reaction to people being too close to him…if we were in lines at say Disney..I would pick him up and hold him tight so he would feel safer. The OT who worked with him once told me that it feels like they have just had a near miss accident! Poor baby!! He did get used to living with it …at least I think he did (or he just stopped hitting other people and I interpreted that to mean he was ok…this is something I would clarify if I had the chance…)

Anyway….let’s just add that to the millions of things mom’s like me feel guilty about and move on  with the real story

…John’s kindergarten class had a little Halloween show every year…the kids would dress up and sing all the fall songs they had learned for parents and the kids in the nursery class. In order to do this the kindergarten kids stood on risers….you are probably beginning to see the problem…a bunch of little kids squished on skinny risers…and my little monkey with “touch” issues!

I don’t think that I ever went to pick him up from school when the teacher didn’t have a negative comment about his behavior on those damn risers…and as a mom you get so worked up when teachers are always complaining …they make you feel like you should be able to do something to fix it….so one day I told him if he didn’t stop causing trouble he would not be allowed to go to school on Halloween. (and I had made him a really cool Ninja Turtle costume out of a Hulk pattern and a handmade paper mache shell…he loved it and was so excited)

So, you know what was going to happen…the day before Halloween I pick him up ..the teacher bitches about him and I tell him he is not going to go to school for the party….and once it is out of my mouth…I felt I had to stick to it…so he and I stayed home…only to find out Halloween night that the kid he pushed had pushed him first!!!  (as told by his savior, best bud, and school wife…Elizabeth Potter…who always tells the truth…for good or bad) so I had punished John for no reason…and in retrospect I should have known that his behavior was really more related to his issue than begin a genuine pain in the neck!!

I have to say…I have never been able to let go of how badly I feel about my behavior in that episode …I was so sure that he would turn out to be police blotter material if I didn’t back up my threats that I didn’t’ take a minute to step back and assess what was really important … and by taking that day from him …a day he could never get back…I cost him one more day of fun in what turned out to be a very short life and probably made him trust and respect me …his Mother…a little less…all of which I can not fix….even if he were still around….the damage had been done…and it was not necessary had I really been the grown up and taken a minute to rethink what was going on.

So, my message here is to learn from my mistake and be very careful with your words … and as hard as it is sometimes…try to take a look at the whole picture as objectively as possible before you make a judgment call …you are not at your best when you are saying and doing things in the heat of the moment!  I certainly look back on that day with great sadness and shame!! (thank God I had a baby boy who was very forgiving!)

September 2012

The Full Corn Moon corresponds with the time of harvesting corn. It is also called the Barley Moon, because it is the time to harvest and thresh the ripened barley. 

This month, we also celebrate what we call a Harvest Moon, which is the full Moon nearest the autumnal equinox. It can occur in September or October and is bright enough to allow finishing all the harvest chores.

The Full Harvest Moon is different than all our other full Moons. Around this date, the Moon rises at almost the same time for a number of nights in our northern latitudes.

This month on the full moon we will be celebrating with John’s girlfriend Mary and her family because she is in a play in New York and we are going to the city to see her. We are so excited because we have not seen Mary in quite some time as she moved to the west coast.

As our plans have developed I can’t help but think back to the times we went to see her perform in Syracuse. We would meet John and Mary’s parents for a quick bite and go to see her play. It was so much fun, I love her family and spending time with them…thought I was so lucky that John picked a girl with such a terrific family. I knew they loved him as much as I did…I was sure life was going to be great for them.

John and Mary were so well suited for one another…they were very creative and each encouraged the other to develop their talents. However, Mary decided to give up her dreams when it became clear that John’s career was going to take off. I know she made this decision without discussing it. I think she decided to go to grad school for Speech Pathology so that she could be the one who was always around when John was free…she would live the nine to five life so he could be free to fulfill his dream. She told me once that he asked her, in all honesty, to promise that she would someday go back to acting…she was shocked that he didn’t know what she was doing and why.

I don’t think he could wrap his head around the fact that some people don’t get to follow their dream..some by choice and some not…

John was lucky to have had the opportunity to live a life that allowed him to spend the majority of his time on things he loved to do…music, sports, beer making etc. He died so young he didn't get a chance to make the sacrifices that parents do.…No wonder he was so happy all the time! 

And so, as we get to relive a piece of the life we thought we were going to have, I suggest you spend some time on this full moon doing something you love…something that makes you happy…so you can go out and pass that happiness to others.

August 2012

Happy Full Blue Moon!

When I did my Google search for the Indian meaning for the blue moon I came across this one which is so different from the ones I usually use…as I read it I thought…well..maybe people want a change of pace so let’s give a different perspective on second Full Moon this month!

The Blue Moon in Pisces on Friday. It is called a Blue Moon because it will be our second Full Moon of the month! (from US perspective) The Sun in Virgo brings the energies of service and healing and with the Full Moon in Pisces what seems to be emerging in people are feelings needing to be healed, old wounds being exposed and coming into our awareness so we can clear the energetic beliefs around our wounds!

Unfortunately for me, I know I will never, ever be able to stop missing John., no healing here.  I do forgive the people who killed him… no good comes from harboring hatred and John would be disappointed in us if we were all paralyzed by it.  We choose to honor him by doing the good things he was known for (although we know full well we don’t have the gift he had for touching people…but we do try)

As I have said before, John was very good at picking friends and I have another success story to tell about some of them! When John went to Syracuse he was in band was with a great and very talented group of kids..they had a several names…Sweaty Pants among them (you get the gist…freshman in college..what can I say) He played both guitar and drums…and I think he was so happy with the group because they encouraged him to try out his music and were talented enough to actually preform  the songs that were in his head!  They played a lot of Frat parties. It didn’t take them long to figure that the frat boys did not really want or need additional men at the parties and playing music for them was a very good way to get their foot in the door and have some fun! John was way too inclusive to ever consider joining a frat but would never say no to a good party!!

I don’t know exactly why his friend Adam first decided that he needed to add a gimmick to the band but he did…I remember John telling me that he was serving waffles at the events they played…I don’t even remember if John was still in the band at that time…but I clearly remember how impressed John was with the idea…and how excited he was when Adam and Kyle wrote and were awarded a grant from the college to open a restaurant that would feature sweet and savory waffles! John just thought that was the coolest thing ever and was so proud of his friends!

The boys worked so hard to make “Funk and Waffles” a success and it is! This week, Guy Feri from the Food Network came to visit and is featuring them in an upcoming show!! (here is the clip of him talking to the local news about it :  http://www.9wsyr.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=3729720 ) It is unbelievable that a couple of kids could make a go of it in the highly competitive restaurant business …especially when they don’t have a liquor license! It is just plain incredible! Improbable!! But true!

I was thinking when I watched the video that John would be so proud…he was always happy for others while playing down his own accomplishments.  I really wished he was here so we could talk about it…it would be so much more fun to have him here to celebrate with. He would be on cloud nine!

This got me to thinking that I get so happy when great things happen to John’s friends.  I think this happens because I am able to imagine about how proud he would be of his friends and I also feel how lucky I am that they still stay in contact with me so I can live vicariously through them! I always thought that John’s music would be a hobby, never a way he could actually make money at… I mean who do you actually know anyone who makes it in that industry! I still have the contract from Virgin Atlantic that was to be signed two weeks after he died…something I think that he had trouble wrapping his head around too! But it was such a wonderful period in his life…so happy and hopeful. I love that other people (especially young kids) get to have accomplishments to be proud about…we don’t get nearly enough of them….Then I thought to myself…wouldn’t it be great if people could set aside jealously and be truly happy for others…when someone else gets a piece of good fortune we would celebrate with them… John was able to be so enthusiastic when his friends had something to rejoice about and it is part of the reason that people gravitated to him…so …that is what I am suggesting this month….just try to be happy when you hear good news about others and let them know that you celebrate their good fortune! 

July 2012

The Full Buck Moon - July is normally the month when the new antlers of buck deer push out of their foreheads in coatings of velvety fur. It was also often called the Full Thunder Moon, for the reason that thunderstorms are most frequent during this time. Another name for this month’s Moon was the Full Hay Moon.

As I have mentioned many times in the past. I choose to believe that I am going to see John again…never really gave the concept of an afterlife much thought before he died but believing in it now is the only way I can get through and I subscribe to the philosophy that you do whatever you need to do to get through this life (as long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process…and let’s face it, by the time I find out if it is true or not I will be dead too so…mission accomplished!)

Given that fact, I think that if I really truly want to see him again I had better try very hard to be good enough to make it to wherever he is…I have visions of him shaking his head and saying to me “Oh, mom….sorry!” 

It is not easy for me to be kind and generous…I am ashamed to admit that I have to remind myself all the time to be a better person. It is constant battle for me. I go to bed at night and as I replay the day I think of all the times I could have done better…it just doesn’t come to me in the moment…as it always did for John. He was the kind of person who you looked at and thought to yourself…”Wow…what a nice thing to do. Wish I had thought of it!”  Often he did little things that were not hard to do … he just was in the moment that way.

I spend my life thinking that I need to make John proud of me…but I thought that this was a personal issue for me…until recently when I received an email from one of John’s dearest friends. She just earned her PhD and I emailed her my congratulates, when she wrote back that not only did she dedicate her theses to John she also lamented the fact that he wasn’t there to share in this accomplishment (as he was when they both graduated from Syracuse) ….and then she echoed the statement that I use so often;

“ I guess I would just like to know that I made John proud.”

 which, of course, he would be because he really got excited when people succeeded at things they love. He would have been the first to read her thesis…marveling at the contents and telling her how smart she is and what an interesting topic she chose. He would have been so honored and humbled by her dedication…he would tell her in one hundred ways…he was proud of her.

And that brings me to think …as I have so many times in the past…how do you make that kind of an impact on people…what do you do to make people want to please you, even when you haven’t seen them for 5 years! How do you inspire that kind of devotion in people? I am in awe of that and think it is probably his best attribute…one I can never lay claim to. (his father is responsible for passing on that trait)

So on this full moon when you will probably be with lots of people…try to think of ways you can  inspire this kind of admiration in others…maybe you help someone with their blanket as you watch the fireworks…or pick something up for them as they pack up from the beach…or hold back when you really want to give someone a hard time…can you imagine the world if more people acted this way? Let John’s impact on others influence your behavior this holiday weekend and make it a celebration for all!

December 2011

December’s full moon is called The Full Cold Moon; or the Full Long Nights Moon –During this month the winter cold fastens its grip, and nights are at their longest and darkest. It is also sometimes called the Moon before Yule. The term Long Night Moon is a doubly appropriate name because the midwinter night is indeed long, and because the Moon is above the horizon for a long time. The midwinter full Moon has a high trajectory across the sky because it is opposite a low Sun.

When I read this I thought about how a long dark night occurs this month along side the holidays…and the holidays are certainly long and dark for many people..especially now. Then of course, I thought of John and remembered a story that was told to me once. Apparently he was always late for everything and while people were waiting for him to show up they would be complaining about him…only to completely forget about it when he showed up…I was told…when John came…the party started! Now, the question is…how did that happen? What the heck did he do that caused that to be his moniker? I know his friends may be able to answer it better than I can because they witnessed it…but I think that his success with people was that he gave them 100% of his attention…if you were to see him at a party you knew he was just so interested in whoever he was talking to…after my parents 50^th anniversary party he informed me that a friend of my fathers was a “home brewer” of beer…and I do think this was what got him going on that…because later on he joined the club that the man belonged to…he was the youngest member by a long shot…but he took from these people the love of brewing and a wealth of information (when he was old enough to enter a contest he won first prize …first time out of the gate!) 

John just was aware of the fact that other people have stuff to share…and it is so worth the effort to put yourself out there a little to find it out! He had to come into this life with this info…I certainly didn’t give that skill to him ( I knew that guy a long time and never knew that fact about him)… I think this skill of John’s created a person who everyone loved…because he would justify your existence by giving you all of himself…soooo… this month I thought it would be nice for us all to do the same…very difficult gift to give because many are so busy with lists and lists of “to dos”,  but, how about just doing simple things like looking into the eyes of a waitress or a clerk at the store when you shop and acknowledge them in some way…like looking into their eyes and saying thank you…so they know you really did mean it…We really don’t know what hardships others are carrying around…you may just be the one person who has been able to lift the spirits of another human…just by doing that…now that is a wonderful gift to give the world this month…and it costs nothing more than using your memory!!