July 2012

The Full Buck Moon - July is normally the month when the new antlers of buck deer push out of their foreheads in coatings of velvety fur. It was also often called the Full Thunder Moon, for the reason that thunderstorms are most frequent during this time. Another name for this month’s Moon was the Full Hay Moon.

As I have mentioned many times in the past. I choose to believe that I am going to see John again…never really gave the concept of an afterlife much thought before he died but believing in it now is the only way I can get through and I subscribe to the philosophy that you do whatever you need to do to get through this life (as long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process…and let’s face it, by the time I find out if it is true or not I will be dead too so…mission accomplished!)

Given that fact, I think that if I really truly want to see him again I had better try very hard to be good enough to make it to wherever he is…I have visions of him shaking his head and saying to me “Oh, mom….sorry!” 

It is not easy for me to be kind and generous…I am ashamed to admit that I have to remind myself all the time to be a better person. It is constant battle for me. I go to bed at night and as I replay the day I think of all the times I could have done better…it just doesn’t come to me in the moment…as it always did for John. He was the kind of person who you looked at and thought to yourself…”Wow…what a nice thing to do. Wish I had thought of it!”  Often he did little things that were not hard to do … he just was in the moment that way.

I spend my life thinking that I need to make John proud of me…but I thought that this was a personal issue for me…until recently when I received an email from one of John’s dearest friends. She just earned her PhD and I emailed her my congratulates, when she wrote back that not only did she dedicate her theses to John she also lamented the fact that he wasn’t there to share in this accomplishment (as he was when they both graduated from Syracuse) ….and then she echoed the statement that I use so often;

“ I guess I would just like to know that I made John proud.”

 which, of course, he would be because he really got excited when people succeeded at things they love. He would have been the first to read her thesis…marveling at the contents and telling her how smart she is and what an interesting topic she chose. He would have been so honored and humbled by her dedication…he would tell her in one hundred ways…he was proud of her.

And that brings me to think …as I have so many times in the past…how do you make that kind of an impact on people…what do you do to make people want to please you, even when you haven’t seen them for 5 years! How do you inspire that kind of devotion in people? I am in awe of that and think it is probably his best attribute…one I can never lay claim to. (his father is responsible for passing on that trait)

So on this full moon when you will probably be with lots of people…try to think of ways you can  inspire this kind of admiration in others…maybe you help someone with their blanket as you watch the fireworks…or pick something up for them as they pack up from the beach…or hold back when you really want to give someone a hard time…can you imagine the world if more people acted this way? Let John’s impact on others influence your behavior this holiday weekend and make it a celebration for all!