October 2012

October - Full Hunter’s Moon or Full Harvest Moon –This full Moon is often referred to as the Full Hunter’s Moon, Blood Moon, or Sanguine Moon. Many “moons “ ago, Native Americans named this bright moon for obvious reasons. The leaves are falling from trees, the deer are fattened, and it’s time to begin storing up meat for the long winter ahead. Because the fields were traditionally reaped in late September or early October, hunters could easily see fox and other animals that come out to glean from the fallen grains. Probably because of the threat of winter looming close, the Hunter’s Moon is generally accorded with special honor, historically serving as an important feast day in both Western Europe and among many Native American tribes.

I know I have mentioned that I would never EVER be considered for the best parent award and here is the proof.

When John was in kindergarten he was always in trouble. When I look back on his early schooling I wish I had stayed home with him…he was very sensitive to touch so when people got in his space…as little kids always do…it would send him into orbit…and sometimes he would even hit another kid…and if I saw it and called him out he would reply that they hit him first! (which ,of course, was not true but he thought that they really had hit him because his personal bubble was so huge!!) Sometimes he would hit the kid and than grab his arm with as if to say…ohhhh, I didn’t mean it! It truly was a reaction to people being too close to him…if we were in lines at say Disney..I would pick him up and hold him tight so he would feel safer. The OT who worked with him once told me that it feels like they have just had a near miss accident! Poor baby!! He did get used to living with it …at least I think he did (or he just stopped hitting other people and I interpreted that to mean he was ok…this is something I would clarify if I had the chance…)

Anyway….let’s just add that to the millions of things mom’s like me feel guilty about and move on  with the real story

…John’s kindergarten class had a little Halloween show every year…the kids would dress up and sing all the fall songs they had learned for parents and the kids in the nursery class. In order to do this the kindergarten kids stood on risers….you are probably beginning to see the problem…a bunch of little kids squished on skinny risers…and my little monkey with “touch” issues!

I don’t think that I ever went to pick him up from school when the teacher didn’t have a negative comment about his behavior on those damn risers…and as a mom you get so worked up when teachers are always complaining …they make you feel like you should be able to do something to fix it….so one day I told him if he didn’t stop causing trouble he would not be allowed to go to school on Halloween. (and I had made him a really cool Ninja Turtle costume out of a Hulk pattern and a handmade paper mache shell…he loved it and was so excited)

So, you know what was going to happen…the day before Halloween I pick him up ..the teacher bitches about him and I tell him he is not going to go to school for the party….and once it is out of my mouth…I felt I had to stick to it…so he and I stayed home…only to find out Halloween night that the kid he pushed had pushed him first!!!  (as told by his savior, best bud, and school wife…Elizabeth Potter…who always tells the truth…for good or bad) so I had punished John for no reason…and in retrospect I should have known that his behavior was really more related to his issue than begin a genuine pain in the neck!!

I have to say…I have never been able to let go of how badly I feel about my behavior in that episode …I was so sure that he would turn out to be police blotter material if I didn’t back up my threats that I didn’t’ take a minute to step back and assess what was really important … and by taking that day from him …a day he could never get back…I cost him one more day of fun in what turned out to be a very short life and probably made him trust and respect me …his Mother…a little less…all of which I can not fix….even if he were still around….the damage had been done…and it was not necessary had I really been the grown up and taken a minute to rethink what was going on.

So, my message here is to learn from my mistake and be very careful with your words … and as hard as it is sometimes…try to take a look at the whole picture as objectively as possible before you make a judgment call …you are not at your best when you are saying and doing things in the heat of the moment!  I certainly look back on that day with great sadness and shame!! (thank God I had a baby boy who was very forgiving!)