Monday, June 4, 2012

June 2012

Full Strawberry Moon – June This name was universal to every Algonquin tribe. However, in Europe they called it the Rose Moon. Also because the relatively short season for harvesting strawberries comes each year during the month of June . . . so the full Moon that occurs during that month was christened for the strawberry!

Hello June….here we are again…fifth year now and they are always the same. I start to get anxious as soon as spring comes…dreading the fact that I know I have to “gear up” to fight the sadness that comes with June 3rd.  Oh, how I wish I could just wipe that day off the calendar every year…but unfortunately it would not be the only day I would ditch and when you count holidays, birthdays, etc. the year would be only a few months long by the time I was finished!

Every year I think back to the first year we lived without John…it is not true that time heals…I am finding that I miss him more because as time marches on I have things I want to talk to him about…I wonder what he would think of the babies…what would he say about current events…he was so well read I would like to know his opinion about lots of things.

I also wish he was around to help his dad …. they had fun together and as John got older he liked to give a hand, especially moving things…John was actually stronger than my husband as he he was a big help. I would like to see his face when we got the Pruis…I know he would have been surprised and happy.

At this time of year I hear from lots of John’s friends. Often they tell me a story of something he did or said…and I have to say, I am so comforted by the fact that he has friends who not only still think of him, but who are kind enough to let me know it. It is weird but I really like the fact that he was important to other people…. and I love the stories, they are always moving and funny, so they make me remember him as though it was yesterday.

Memories are comforting but his things. … that is a different story. I have not been able to re-do his bedroom, still have all his clothes and even his textbooks! I can’t throw anything away, if he had it …it still lives! I even had his toothbrush and contacts until recently. It is sick, I know it…and I am trying to change my ways…slowly. But I have to tell you it is very, very difficult.  

I realized that the days I am most sad are usually when I unexpectantly come across something of John’s.  It is the shock of finding his “stuff” that can just bring me to tears…and if I am alone..I am in trouble for the whole day. You would think this would force me to get rid of the “stuff” but for some crazy reason it feels like I am throwing him away! So it stays….

Which leads to my message this month…try not to spend one more minute than you have to acquiring “stuff” that you really don’t need. It is only going to be hanging around for everyone to deal with after you are gone…instead….try to spend your time and money acquiring as many memories as you can with the people you love…because that is what is going to pull you through the tough times…and those memories are what will bring you comfort in the end…not the “stuff”, a life lesson I live every single day.