February 2012

February - Full Snow Moon – Since the heaviest snow usually falls during this month, native tribes of the north and east most often called February’s full Moon the Full Snow Moon. Some tribes also referred to this Moon as the Full Hunger Moon, since harsh weather conditions in their areas made hunting very difficult. I guess we would have to go with the Hunger Moon this year…not much snow in the Northeast but so many people out of work…hunger is more probable.

I was watching TV the other day and an Oscar Myer bacon commercial came on … I was so surprised that it depicted a situation that I have lived many, many times…and I even used Oscar Myer bacon!! I thought about this and decided I could and should share it with you…it may be something you can use yourself or share with someone who could use a lift…

I never listen to John’s music….it is hard to hear his voice when I am alone…and the songs that also have commentary are especially difficult…it can feel as though he is still here and when reality hits me I am ruined for the day. But last week I had to put some of his music together for a friend and one of the pieces I came across was a short little ditty called Eggs in the Morning. The song is about waking up to the smell of bacon and wanting to have eggs for breakfast. I never thought that I inspired John to write a song.. in fact, I always laughed when John would tell Lauren and I he had a new song and she would quickly ask if it was about us….it was so cute of her, his biggest supporter….but as I listened to John’s song I must admit, I do think that this is one I can take a little credit for.

I have explained about John’s terrible work habits…if an award was given for “Worlds Worst Worker” he would have been a consistent winner. He couldn’t even be bribed with money!!!  And at home…you would think a person who valued his family as much as John did would feel a responsibility to pitch in when necessary, Lauren was up with the birds to help us rake or paint and she did it without a word of protest…but not John…nothing could persuade him to get his behind out of bed and give us a hand if he wasn’t in the mood…except …..the smell of bacon frying in the kitchen…which I did on a regular basis when he was home…sometimes just to get him up…I would cook the bacon and when I knew the whole house smelled great I would go to his room and wake him up… and tell him that if he got up right away I would also make eggs and sometimes (if we didn’t have a big project underway) his father would also be making waffles…which would be the best of all possible breakfasts as far as John was concerned. Even with all this prompting it may often take a while to actually see his face in the kitchen…but it did work every time…there was just nothing like the smell of bacon as far as John was concerned.

This was a routine that I started when John was in high school (maybe even middle school) but it lasted forever…I am sure that I was still doing it when he came home for a visit even when he was an adult and touring with the band…by then of course, I just wanted to see him and couldn’t wait until he got up by himself…and I loved the excuse to go into his room and give him a kiss and a hug…(of course, gave a knock before entering when he was a grown up). I noticed as I wrote this that we don’t even do it anymore…there is no one to wake up….and that is a sad reality that all parents face someday….I take comfort in the fact that soon I will have two little ones to use the technique on …and it will be the same reason…I just want to see them!

My point in telling this story is ….I started this little ritual for my own benefit and lo and behold years later I find that clearly John liked it too…I used a little act of kindness and it out for worked for both of us!! How great is that? I have decided that maybe I should think about using this strategy more in life…because clearly it was meaningful for John…he never wrote lyrics that weren’t …and it has brought back some very happy memories for me. (what mom doesn’t like to think of pleasing their children and making their home feel like a good place to be?) So, with Valentines Day coming maybe you can begin some little ritual that doesn’t cost anything more than your time but it will make someone you care about happy and see you as a good place to be? Good luck and Happy Valentines Day!!

January 2012

January - Full Wolf Moon

This full Moon appeared when wolves howled in hunger outside the villages. It is also known as the Old Moon. To some Native American tribes, this was the Snow Moon, but most applied that name to the next full Moon, in February.

Everyone who has ever known John would say he was funny. He was the life of the party and even at home he had a way of turning everything into fun…it was rare when you would retell a story were he was the one who was aggressive or took a situation to a place that made people uncomfortable. I know he took a few board games very seriously but when people talked about it I don’t remember them thinking it was anything other than a quirk of his. ( but I could be wrong about that) 

Some people (teachers and administrators) thought he just didn't take life seriously but they were so wrong …clearly his teachers just didn’t take the time to get to know him…because when you did you realized that John knew exactly what was important in life and how he was going to get there. In college, he would sit in on many classes at the beginning of the term to determine which ones would benefit him. I have to admit when he told me of this practice I smiled…I thought back to the courses I took in college that I suffered through and thought…God John, you are so clever! He knew what was going to work for him and he did it…and graduated with honors to boot! He “ audited”  courses in photography and wine making or tasting..I can’t remember which…he would just go and sit in…not getting credit for it…just doing it for the pleasure of learning. I once told him he could take any course he wanted but he was on the clock and had to be finished in 4 years, because if I had said anything else he would have taken 8 years to graduate but have several degrees…and that was not happening (now that I write this I wish I had let him stay in school forever..)

I think the best example of how much fun he had in life was when once, in high school, he came home and told me he was starting a new club. He found a teacher who had agreed to supervise, and people had joined. When I asked what the new club was called he told me VAG…and then answered my facial expression with “Video Audio Group mom, get your mind out of the gutter”  The club was to make a video each month and the local cable channel agreed to air it…which did happen…and the videos were hysterical ! The club was disbanded when John and another kid tried to join a " learn to swim group " at the YMCA dressed in goggles, a Speedo, flippers and the blow up things little babies put on their arms to stay afloat (swimmies). The Y didn’t think it was as funny as the rest of us…and the high school agreed with the Y…so the fun was over. I think his reputation with teachers suffered because of this event…and it is a shame because the kids were really learning about technology and how to stage and edit video as well as working within deadlines…real life lessons…ones that may have put them on a path towards an actual job…but that is not the point of my blog…my point is that they had fun doing it and other kids had real fun watching it…so lots of learning happened along with lots of fun…how often does that happen in life?

And that brings me to my thought for this month and maybe for the year. Try to have some fun in life…it makes you happier, more productive and it makes everyone around you happy…what more can you ask of life than that? It was a lesson John taught me that I didn’t even realize until today and I hope that it can become a part of your life too!

December 2011

December’s full moon is called The Full Cold Moon; or the Full Long Nights Moon –During this month the winter cold fastens its grip, and nights are at their longest and darkest. It is also sometimes called the Moon before Yule. The term Long Night Moon is a doubly appropriate name because the midwinter night is indeed long, and because the Moon is above the horizon for a long time. The midwinter full Moon has a high trajectory across the sky because it is opposite a low Sun.

When I read this I thought about how a long dark night occurs this month along side the holidays…and the holidays are certainly long and dark for many people..especially now. Then of course, I thought of John and remembered a story that was told to me once. Apparently he was always late for everything and while people were waiting for him to show up they would be complaining about him…only to completely forget about it when he showed up…I was told…when John came…the party started! Now, the question is…how did that happen? What the heck did he do that caused that to be his moniker? I know his friends may be able to answer it better than I can because they witnessed it…but I think that his success with people was that he gave them 100% of his attention…if you were to see him at a party you knew he was just so interested in whoever he was talking to…after my parents 50^th anniversary party he informed me that a friend of my fathers was a “home brewer” of beer…and I do think this was what got him going on that…because later on he joined the club that the man belonged to…he was the youngest member by a long shot…but he took from these people the love of brewing and a wealth of information (when he was old enough to enter a contest he won first prize …first time out of the gate!) 

John just was aware of the fact that other people have stuff to share…and it is so worth the effort to put yourself out there a little to find it out! He had to come into this life with this info…I certainly didn’t give that skill to him ( I knew that guy a long time and never knew that fact about him)… I think this skill of John’s created a person who everyone loved…because he would justify your existence by giving you all of himself…soooo… this month I thought it would be nice for us all to do the same…very difficult gift to give because many are so busy with lists and lists of “to dos”,  but, how about just doing simple things like looking into the eyes of a waitress or a clerk at the store when you shop and acknowledge them in some way…like looking into their eyes and saying thank you…so they know you really did mean it…We really don’t know what hardships others are carrying around…you may just be the one person who has been able to lift the spirits of another human…just by doing that…now that is a wonderful gift to give the world this month…and it costs nothing more than using your memory!!

Full moon November 2011

Full Beaver Moon – November This was the time to set beaver traps before the swamps froze, to ensure a supply of warm winter furs. Another interpretation suggests that the name Full Beaver Moon comes from the fact that the beavers are now actively preparing for winter. It is sometimes also referred to as the Frosty Moon.

I think I have a perfect story for November…because it has to do with giving thanks. When John decided to give the band a shot they started touring the country and were asked to do a “show” at the studio of a web based radio station called WOXY. It was about to go off the air (but later saved and I think it still exist…but not sure because I don’t listen to music anymore) ..anyway,  John’s band was to be the last act to appear live. They did a few songs and then they were interviewed. We were so excited to be able to hear him do his first interview…it was cool to think that there were people outside of the family that thought the music was good…so we all gathered around the computer to hear it…and I was shocked to listen to some band member explain that they were shocked by the number of people who came to their shows…and then this little voice said “thank you though…thanks for coming”…and that little voice was John!!! My John, who was one of the smartest and most knowledgeable people on the planet …and his only contribution to the conversation was; “thank you for coming?’  I couldn’t believe that was all he could find to say…the kid who had his own cable TV show in High School, who went to the National History Fair Competition using a Beatles topic …couldn’t think of a music related comment?

When he came home from the tour I chuckled when I asked him what the heck was he thinking just thanking people for coming to the show and he looked at me and asked if that was a bad thing to say…I felt a little bad saying no, but couldn’t he think of more music related comments…and he just shrugged and let it go….

I have always felt badly about that…and …as usual he proved he knew better than I did about what was important in life…if I had to pick one constant comment made about him from others it would be that he was kind…he knew what was important to say…and today…I can not remember one single word from that interview…I only remember that he thanked his fans….and I know that they appreciated it too…because at least one kid came all the way from Ohio for his funeral….I bet he thanked that kid for coming to his show…and that kid thanked him in return ...kindness begets kindness.

So, this month…let’s all try to just thank people who are deserving and see what happens…You don’t have to be a the worlds smartest person or a great orator..just keep it simple…and be confident that when you are being kind…simple is truly best!!

Here is the link if you want to listen…it is a little funny once you hear the story.

http://woxy.com/music/loungeacts/index.php?id=123

October 2011 Hunters Moon

Full Hunter’s Moon or Full Harvest Moon – This full Moon is often referred to as the
Full Hunter’s Moon, Blood Moon, or Sanguine Moon. Many moons ago, Native
Americans named this bright moon for obvious reasons. The leaves are falling
from trees, the deer are fattened, and it’s time to begin storing up meat for
the long winter ahead. Because the fields were traditionally reaped in late
September or early October, hunters could easily see fox and other animals that
come out to glean from the fallen grains. Probably because of the threat of
winter looming close, the Hunter’s Moon is generally accorded with special
honor, historically serving as an important feast day in both Western
Europe and among many Native American tribes

It is curious that I would find that October is a harvest
moon because the story I am going to tell you today uses the medical term
“harvesting”, which to me is so gross but when you think about how a harvest
sustains people for a long winter and if crops were left in the field, they would
rot and not useful to anyone…so, taken in context of the greater good..it is a
wonderful thing.

Now, to my story….My mom had to have a piece of her lung
removed and her doctor was the head of the transplant team at Brigham and
Women’s hospital in Boston. During
the intake he asked about her family and of course, she told the story of John.
About half way through the story the Doctor interrupted my mom and told her he
knew about John, and he finished the story…and then added that “your grandson
saved quite a few lives” because he was an organ donor. I knew this was true
because I took him to get his first drivers license and I know we discussed it,
there was no question in his mind that he would become a donor. Who knew …. Who
ever thinks….that when you discuss this with your 16 year old baby… it may
actually come to pass. Of course I didn’t know about it when he died because he
was a “grown up” and they would not have consulted me.

What I couldn’t figure out is how…John was in 50 degree
water for more than 24 hours! Well, my sister who is a nurse told me that he
was in the perfect medium to preserve things….again…who knew?

Naturally I had a little sob session when my mom told me
this story….I started to think how if John were still here I would ask him “are
you proud of yourself?” just as I had asked him one million times when he was
alive and did something he should be proud of…and I smiled…because I knew he
would be. I could even hear him as a toddler saying; ”I’m fwoud (proud) to you” when I did something he thought was great.

Then this morning, on the Today show, they interviewed a
bride who just received a heart transplant and she mentioned that if she got
the chance she would tell the family of the donor that part of their loved one
lives on and gets to experience all the things that she will experience in her
life… and I thought how much John would love that…to be experiencing millions
of new things…through as many people as he could…it is perfect for him….a dream
come true…and I smiled just thinking of it (for a change)

So…my message this month is to consider offering this chance
to do for others…I once didn’t want to donate my eyes until my husband
mentioned that my 20/400 vision was better than being blind…and just think
about what I am going to “see” when then are used by the next person!!! It
would be great if we could pass this idea on to other people…I never talk about
it because I do think it is a private issue…but maybe if people who are on the
fence (as I was about my eyes) may change their minds if they think about this
issue from the point of view of this story!!

September 2011 - Full Corn Moon

Full Corn Moon – September This full moon’s name is attributed to Native Americans because it marked when corn was supposed to be harvested. Most often, the September full moon is actually the Harvest Moon.

I have been asked twice in as many days what’s up with my full moon posts…I have been busy helping out with the babies and I just figured that I was a pest sending these things out every month…anyone who knows me is well aware that I struggle to do what I suggest in my Blog …John was my inspiration… when he died I would look back on his life and noticed that he did so many small acts of kindness for so many people…and he never looked for recognition for them…they were just a part of his personality. The fact that the world wasn’t going to continue to get the benefits of John seemed a shame to me…hence the Blog. When I first mentioned that I was considering this undertaking Lauren asked if I could think of enough stories about John to keep it going…and as those of you who knew him would agree…I can!!

The idea of this months blog came to me as I read the book Caleb’s Crossing which is about the Wampanoag Indians of Cape Cod. As I read I was reminded of a project Lauren was assigned in 3rd grade. She was to pick an Indian tribe to research and she picked the Wampanoag’s because we have a house in Mashpee; where they currently have a library etc. Well, at the time, it was impossible to get information that a third grader could read and comprehend so I got a book written for adults and every night I would read the story of the Wampanoag’s to the kids. At the time, John was in first grade and he would sit beside me on Lauren’s double bed listening to how the colonists tricked the Indians into giving up their land and how they used the laws of England to their advantage when dealing with the innocent and trusting tribe…I have to admit, it was interesting and very sad for me but the most poignant part of the story was when that little face looked up at me one night and said…”Mommy, I hate us!” He sat there listening for so many nights and got it…he knew that we were descendents of the group of people who moved into this country and just took over…using the land to suit our purpose…without any consideration for the original owners!!! I always loved the words he used…not having the vocabulary yet for anything more complicated…he said it all…simply and perfectly!

And that is my story…wouldn’t it be nice if people in power could use it for good…and not take advantage of a situation? It could be as easy as being patient with someone who was not as “quick” as you are…or a child sticking up for another who is bullied at school! The fact is when we have power we can and should be aware of it and try to use it as it was meant to be….so I thought it would be fun this month to be aware of the moments when we have been given power and try to use it to its best advantage…I think that we may all be surprised how often that we do have some power in life! So, win-win…we realize we do have some power and we use it for the better of all!! I know by my next blog John will be saying …I LOVE US!!!

Full Buck Moon

I am sorry I have been away for a few months …my daughter just had twins and I have been blessed to have the opportunity to help her out…but at my age it is a BIG job and every month I seem to loose track of time until the full moon is long gone. In fact, I might have missed it again had they had not mentioned it on the news .. Apparently it is the buck moon …because this is the month when bucks antlers begin to show…interesting don’t you think?

Now for the blog…my daughter named her son John after her brother but it is the baby girl Ginger, who looks so much like my John, it’s scary!! And she acts like him too…very alert but often fussy…(we used to call him “Cryin’ John Ryan”) … I naturally offer to take her when she is unhappy…I don’t really mind her crying the way I did his…I guess it is because now I know that it will end and she will turn out great.. I don’t have the “I am not a good enough mother thing” hanging over my head anymore.

Lauren paid me a tremendous complement the other day when she told me that when she is home with the twins by herself and they are both carrying on she copies the things she has seen me do with them…I only hope that she understands I was NOT like this when I was the mom…I was a nervous wreck ….and I was constantly wishing they would get a little older thinking that whatever was bugging me at the time would be better when they grew up a little…

Then….as I walked into the yarn shop the other day I overheard another mom complaining about her 23 year old son…he was driving around in an unregistered car even though the mom had told him to get it rectified for weeks!!! She was so frustrated with him…but you could still hear the love in her voice. … and it brought me right back…back to the days that I was that mom…going to the bank to cover John’s overdrafts….putting in an extra $50.00 to give him a cushion and having the teller tell me that wasn’t even going to cover his fees….and calling to yell at him to tell me when he was getting low on funds so we can avoid those crazy fees!!!

Naturally I told her my story…how great he turned out in spite of all his little quirks…I told her that her son would be fine too…and I told her how much I wish I could have him back to yell at…how much I wish I could have my life back…

And then it hit me…we all spend too much time wishing our life away…can’t wait until my baby can sleep all night, or drive himself to baseball practice…on and on…when we should be stopping to think that tomorrow may never come to us…today may be all we have…and today IS great…especially when you are looking back…

So..my message to you this month is to take minute to stop this month and appreciate your life as it is today…and believe it is good, because it probably is good..Certainly better than the alternative!