Friday, August 15, 2008

August 17,2008

Unfortunately, this week our town has suffered another tragic death. A promising 18 year old boy, a track star on his way to Dartmouth College, left his house one night and died on his way home. Our hearts are breaking for his family whose pain we feel deeply.

I have had to learn many things this last year but I must say that trusting there is a reason for this sadness is a constant struggle for me. There has not been a single week that has gone by that we don't say "Oh, John should be here for this." or "John would have loved that." It has become a part of our lives..something I fear we will say forever...

But, the one thing that brings tremendous peace & I never regret “over-doing” is that every single time I ever spoke to John, we told each other “I love you”; it was a family habit. We ended every phone conversation that way, every time one of us left the house, or were dropped off at school. Never did he not say it, or say it back! Even if he was with his friends during his pre-teen/teenage years. I would often marvel at that, that he had the courage to do it so openly. Looking back however, John always seemed to know the truly important things in life.

So, this month, if you catch a glimpse of the full moon, think of how incredibly lucky you are to have your family & friends and remember to tell them that... you will not regret it!

Love, me

2 comments:

lauren said...

I miss that too, mom! he was soo cute about it! I also loved how when you would say it to him he looked like he was hearing it for the first time; and was so appreciative that you could love him that much! My friends at school & work were always surprised to find out I had been on the phone with my brother!

As much as I miss hearing it; it’s comforting to know he knew how much I loved him. You’re right it was worth saying it over and over!!

Good “full moon” mom!! love you ;)

Donna J said...

Dear Paula,

I love reading your full moon emails!! This particular email reminded me of my very first encounter with John. I'm sure you've probably heard this story before...but it was the very beginning of freshman year, and we were having our very first Flint 3A floor meeting. So everyone on the floor was gathered together in this room, and we were about to play an icebreaker of some sort. It was pretty quiet except for maybe one person introducing themselves to everyone else (we were going around the room and saying something about ourselves one at a time), and then John's phone started to ring. He answered it, talked to the person for a minute or so, and then got off. Then, a few moments later, his phone rang again! This time, he said excuse me to everyone, and stepped outside of the room. Then, he proceeded to have a conversation with someone on the phone, and even though he was outside of the room and had closed the door, eve ryone could hear everything that was being said. And then he eventually came back into the room. Anyway, the entire thing was hilarious because it completely disrupted the stupid and awkward ice breaker that was going on, but it ended up "breaking the ice" in a much more natural and better way. I remember specifically that he was talking to his mom, and at one point expressing a little frustration and saying something like "mom, i have to go, i'll call you back". I also know it was slightly embarrassing for him, because he was being the center of attention in a room full of future classmates that he did not know yet. Regardless of the embarrassment and frustration or whatever, I do remember him saying I love you when he got off the phone -- because I distinctly remember thinking that he must not be so mad And even though he may be embarrassed, it wasn't stopping him from having a normal conversation with his mom. Hahaha. After that, I just thought to myself, who is this ridiculous character, he is hilarious -- I have to know him! And, I'm so glad I did! I'm so lucky that, out of a class of maybe 2,000 kids, John and I were randomly assigned to the same floor of a dorm. Not that I don't think we wouldn't have ended up being friends anyway, but I'm so glad our paths crossed early on.