October 2010 Hunters Moon

Happy Hunters Moon.
As I listened to the news this morning I was reminded that tonight is the full moon and thought to myself, as I almost always do….what the heck am I going to write about? Following my usual routine, I then said to myself (and to John) … hope you can give me something to work with!
Well, not 5 minutes later it came to me…with the certainty that all my little stories do…and I am telling you this one because I believe (or should I say, I choose to believe) that someone needs to hear this today…so, whoever you are…here goes…
John had many friends who came from different backgrounds and interests…and oddly enough they contact us from time to time (which proves how kind people can be ) telling us that they still think of John or dream of him etc…it is comforting beyond belief!! Well, the other day I got a message from one of his friends who had just found out she was expecting a baby…which was a surprise to her, and I don’t think at the time she considered it a good surprise. Well, John came to her in the dream and told her he had something for her then handed her a beautiful baby boy. Well, come to find out she is, in fact, having a baby boy…which just adds a little drama to the story.
After I got over the WOW factor of her story I started to think of my own life, the trouble I had wrapping my head around the fact that I was going to have two kids 18 months apart. When I found out I was pregnant I thought to myself, well, at least let’s hope it is another girl, I already have the clothes and they could be the best friends, just as my sister and I were when we growing up. It was a blessing that I found out John was a boy, I needed the time to adjust before I had to face him….And he made me earn my money….all I am going to say about his infancy is that we called him “Cryin’ John Ryan” because that is just about all he did for 6 months. I think he would have gone on longer but the cut off for sleeping through the night was 6 months so once I got to that milestone, I put him in the bedroom as far away from us as I could and let him go. It was brutal…
No one who knew him as a teenager or adult would have ever known that part of him…he didn’t even know it himself until he was in high school and we happened to talk about it one day. I never would have brought it up…because the simple fact is. I didn’t have to….once I got him I realized that he was the best gift ever!! And…he actually got better as he got older!!! He was funny, smart, kind, and loving…and added to our family in ways we couldn’t ever count…. Truly….a blessing from heaven. Which is what is going to happen to this girl…she is going to be the best parent ever because she has so much to give!
So, my message this month is to let your life play out the way it was supposed to…sometimes when you think the worst thing has happened to you…it can turn out to be the best when you look back. (ok, I can never think that John’s death was good, but that is the exception and I am trying to keep an open mind on that subject…I certainly got to know his friends in ways I never would have…and they are a reflection of him…really, really, special. I also got the best son in law on the planet because if it…so there are a few good things!)
Have a good month..and “hunt” for the things in your life that are the happy surprises, for they are certainly there if you look.

September 2010 Harvest Moon

The Super Harvest Moon will rise as the sun sets for the first time in 20 years! (thanks Lil)

It is funny that the moon this month would be called harvest moon because my blog is about just that…harvesting what you can, when you can.

I have recently watched more friends than I should endure the hardships of life…I actually sent one a poem written for parents of disabled children that talks about a woman who thought she was taking a trip to Italy like all her friends, a trip she had planned and prepared for…but when she landed the stewardess said “welcome to Holland!” The woman was very upset because this wasn’t the trip she had booked, and she did not want substitutions.

Well, the woman thought about it for a while…and it occurred to her that while she may not be taking a trip to the most glamorous country in the world this country did have some merits of its own….you just have to take the time to stop and look for them.

I have been thinking about that poem this week and realized that it could have been written for me too…for everyone really…. Because life doesn’t go as planned for anyone, we all have disappointments along the way. None of us get the life we anticipated …We are stuck with the life we get and all we can do is make the best of it. To make it work we need to look at our situation and try to see what is good about it instead of feeling sorry for ourselves…by doing this we won’t miss the gifts we have been given.

Don’t get me wrong..I miss John every single day of my life. I miss the way he made me laugh, …his one of a kind hugs,… his beautiful words, …and being able to be his mom…but in the past three years I have noticed that people can be kind and giving beyond all belief and I now know that the only truly important thing I can do in life is to be kind in return, to make a difference in at least one person’s life…and that is something I would never, ever have realized if I was still caught up in my little family. I loved my life, I hate that I am the visual reminder to everyone that life is short…but that is what I have been dealt, and no one wants to be with a cry baby…so I just have to move on…And that is what I want to pass on you today…harvest all the happiness you can and give in return…because truly…what you have planned may not be what has been planned for you..

August 2010

Full Sturgeon Moon – August The fishing tribes are given credit for the naming of this Moon, since sturgeon, a large fish of the Great Lakes and other major bodies of water, were most readily caught during this month. A few tribes knew it as the Full Red Moon because, as the Moon rises, it appears reddish through any sultry haze. It was also called the Green Corn Moon or Grain Moon.

I lost track of the moon cycle this month because we had so much rain in the days prior to it…sorry! And I had my story all set last week when I attended a fund-raiser that one of John’s friends had for him…where wonderful friends of ours served as bartenders … which was sooo much fun! The only, and I do mean only good thing about losing John is the realization that we are blessed beyond what we deserve in the friends department.
And my story this month came from that night…the head of the drama department came to this event and kindly told me that he has been teaching for 23 years and of all the students he had..John was really special; and he said he knew it even then. This surprised me because I know that the rest of the teaching staff at Hamilton Wenham Regional High School didn’t like him at all (see previous story about the National Honor Society) AND I had heard the story from John’s friend Matt (who was hosting the event) several days before when he informed me that John almost caused the play HMS Pinafore to be canceled because he was constantly dragging the “sailors” ( of which he was one) off to the music room to play music instead of practicing!!! Matt was the poor kid who had the lead..so he had to learn lines and songs and here was John…just goofing around and getting the rest of the gang to follow …throwing the serious actors into fits!!! They told me that they figured the solution was to just let John adlib every night…he was given some loose parameters and he was to just do his thing…and …as Matt reported…he stole the show!!! Well, I went to every one of the performances and he really did not steal the show but those sailors were very funny and it was clear that they were having fun…which is what you want to see in a play…but until just now I had no idea he was such a pain in the neck!
The funny thing is…Matt still had a fundraiser for him…all on his own! And his teacher still came to it!!! On a Thursday night!!! You really have to wonder how John did it…how he got everyone to love him in spite of all his antics!! I have decided that somehow John just knew what was important in life and didn’t worry about the little things…but you really have to admire the people who just knew he was worth the trouble…I am so happy he had those people in his life…kids deserve that…and those people have the gift of his story to tell now…and they were a part of it…and can take credit for making him the superstar he became. The one that record company executives and recording artists loved too…the one who could inspire someone to drive from Ohio to his funeral because “he was so kind to take the time to make me feel what it was to be part of his world.” I have many more stories but will save them for future blogs…my point this month is to take the time to try to see beyond the actions of people…you just may be surprised at what you find!! I wish you luck on this…cause if you find someone special – it is so worth the ride…and you will be laughing all the way !

July 2010

Today is a Full Thunder Moon, for the reason that thunderstorms are most frequent during this time, which is certainly what we have experienced this summer! For me, it has been a full thunder moon both literally and figuratively because, like a bolt of thunder, I have heard this month of the death of a friend’s young daughter and another’s husband. If only I could tell others of the feeling you have when you realize that the sadness will never really go away, or how silly you feel when you think back to realize that you woke up that morning thinking it was just another day… only to find out that the universe had other plans.

I choose now to believe in an afterlife in the hope that I will see John again…read all kinds of books on the subject; searching for a way to make sure that someday I will have my happy little family together again…I just bought a clothes line and drive a hybrid car; two things I would never do before John died -but I am not taking chances … need to have as many points in the “good” column as possible and just being a nice person is really difficult for me…so I try to find other ways to get there (not going to lie to you…being “good “to the earth is a much easier day to day commitment for me than being “good” to others !) I am certain that the rest of my family will make it to wherever John is…it is me I am nervous about…

And that’s the funny thing about buying into an afterlife, I just can’t believe that the John’s job was over…that he was finished with his life’s work. At his wake I heard so many kids tell me wonderful stories about the kind things he had done…it took my breath away..I only wished I thought to start asking stories at the beginning of the wake…I am certain I missed some …and those acts need to be told - to let others know that kindness DOES matter…

In my mind, John should be here…still being his nice self! And I should be over with the big part of my job…I should be sitting around, admiring the good job I did (ha ha), not writing blogs as a way to keep the “spirit” of his kindness going…HE should be doing it…

And that is the way I feel about the other people that have joined him … I can’t believe that their job was finished…when you hear about really truly good and kind people who die you say to the universe…REALLY??? You don’t think we need MORE of these types of people???? I don’t get it…and doubt I ever will….

So, today…try to think about this…what if this was your last moment…have you measured up??? Would news of your passing hit others like thunder???? If not, this is a good time to get going…

Full Strawberry Moon – June

The relatively short season for harvesting strawberries comes each year during the month of June . . . so the full Moon that occurs during that month was christened for the strawberry!

It is 9:45 and I actually had to hop out of bed to write this blog…as I left the room my husband asked me …do you have anything to write about..to which I shook my head “no”…but I wasn’t worried because I knew that the minute I sat at this computer something would come to me. I have great faith in John’s help..our family gives him so much credit that Lauren often says that no one in our will ever get credit for a good idea again!

Anyway…my first job every month is to search for the meaning of the full moon and … I had it….the strawberry moon…Perfect!

I am very “crafty”…I must have had many odd jobs in a past life because not only do I like working with my hands.. I find comfort in doing so…but it has always bothered me that my kids didn’t seem to have the interest in acquiring skills in this area. I have given every single niece and many of my children’s friends kits to learn how to knit…and the lessons to go with it…shown countless people how to make pickles etc…but it really never caught on with Lauren….my daughter….the one I would have thought would get into it…I think she realized that I was pinning my hopes on her and tried to let me know that she was not going to be the one to carry on the torch when she told me that her goal in life was to make enough money to hire someone to do these things…and I had to admit … that wasn’t a bad goal to have!

But as the kids got older I realized that I was looking in the wrong direction … it was John who was going to be my apprentice!! Of course it would be him…he found everything interesting and fun!!! He, who couldn’t ever master cursive writing well enough to use it effectively would learn to knit (we needed lots of verbal cues for that one but he did make Mary a boiled wool bag!) and cook…and once, the summer before he died…asked me to teach him how to make jelly and jam…We had so much fun that day…just the two of us…talking about the difference between making jam and jelly, when you can make each one as the fruit comes into season…how to pick and clean the berries and the importance of every ingredient in the “jelling” process…it made me feel like I was helping him become a better and more prepared adult…and I got to talk about other things in his life too..little incidental things that I can’t even remember now…I just remember the totality of the day and how much fun it was…and he was so happy with his product…I still have a few jars with the label “strawberry jam” in his little hen scratching … looking at makes me smile to think how lucky I was to have that day… how much I wish I could have more of them…but so very thankful I had the ones I did…and that is what I wish for you all…to take hold of the moments you get like that even though you are tired or busy or just feel like you need your own minute … cause you will have a lifetime of minutes to yourself once they leave you… and really….the minutes you have alone are not the gifts of life at all…so, this week….try to make time for a chat….maybe over tea and toast with strawberry jam…to tell the ones you love how lucky you are to know them…happy Strawberry Moon!

May

Full Flower Moon – not that you wouldn’t have guesses but it is called this because in most areas, flowers are abundant everywhere during this time.
I have been anxious to write my blog this month because I have been thinking about the topic for weeks!!! Everyone who knew John would agree that he was special in many ways…well beyond his musical ability. And I have tried to document his gifts as I write …but as the third anniversary of his death approaches I have had the opportunity to notice that probably his most special talent was picking friends…
It goes without saying that I miss him every day..but it is astounding how many other people still think of him. I have noticed that a friend of John’s may make a comment on Facebook about him and immediately others will respond… and it has made me think…wow… these kids still think of him..how lucky was he to have found these people…
And that led me to wonder just what would make people feel that way about you…because it is incredible the number of them who find the time to help the foundation…when it would be so easy not to…but they either come, or donate, or help…they never forget…always there for him..as special as he was.
So that is my message this month…to really think about that…what would people think about you when you are gone…would they be there…forever…as John’s friend s are? When I think about his life I remember my mother’s expressions: “Water seeks its own level “and “You are judged by the company you keep”. This has proven true year after year for John…he was so extraordinary and he attracted people who were just as special...so try to seek out people like this to surround yourself with this month and see what good comes of it…
Good luck and hope to see you June 4th or 5th !!!

April - Full Pink Moon

This name came from the herb moss pink, or wild ground phlox, which is one of the earliest widespread flowers of the spring.

I actually wrote this before I knew the name of this months moon!! It is spring and as the trees start to bud I think back to the conversations I would have with John at this time of year when he was at Syracuse. Naturally we would be discussing finals and his arrival home for the summer and every single year he would want to know if the trees had started to bud..he loved the bright green that colors the world now…when the leaves are young. I never noticed the color before he made me look. And I have never looked at trees the same since.
John brought so much joy to our lives…we were either laughing at the crazy things he did or listening to his beautiful lyrics and melodies, or learning from all the interests he had. He was a truly a gift to me and I often force myself to think of the gifts he is still giving to me. It makes life easier to hang onto…
I think of the many good and wonderful friends I have … so many directly from him…most of my adult friends are parents of his friends . I recount on a regular basis the kindness extended to us after he died…from a community that he just loved…I don’t think he would have moved from Hamilton no matter how famous he became…somehow he knew these people are special. He gave us the gift of the best son in law ever!!! Lauren actually went to school with Tom but it was through John that the connection was made that led to their meeting! And last week we had the honor of taking Lauren and Tom to Granville MA, the home of Noble and Cooley to pick up a drum set that was made from the specs that John had ordered when they agreed to sponsor him. I am going to tell this story so you will know just how wonderful people can be… we don’t hear enough about the acts of kindness done by others …just because…and I am lucky enough to experience it all the time…
When John’s band first became popular he was very busy…traveling around the country night after night, lugging the drum set we bought him for Christmas when he was in the 5th grade…one certainly not made to be played by a “professional”…and it was showing the wear. Once we wanted to meet him for dinner when they played in Boston and he was late because he was driving around looking for parts to keep it together…duct tape didn’t always work. I wanted to buy him a new set and he kept putting me off saying he would be sponsored soon and the manager of the band was working on it. Well, (and he would be mad that I am telling this part) I got to read one of the letters that the manager sent out which began with “hey…” and was horrified, and told him so…and he replied as he often did…”mom, don’t get involved..it will be fine” During this conversation he told me that he was hoping that Noble and Cooley would sponsor him. We got a kick out of it because not only was this company was from Massachusetts (oldest drum company in the US) BUT they made the very first drum set we bought him when he was 2!!! Well, I just had to look it up on the internet and discovered they had a phone number right there…so you just know I had to call to inquire about sponsorship…and didn’t I get one of the owners!! And she was a mom of a drummer too…the rest is history…I got to call him and let him know that he was sponsored …and he was funny..he said, I know I told you not to do it …but I’m glad you did!! We drove out to Granville several weeks later to take a tour of this magical place and John was like a little kid…a twenty three year old guy asking “are we there yet” over and over is funny…We met the most wonderful family who run this incredible company…they took us to see every aspect of the making of the drums and explained their history of making toy drums. We heard about their plans to make a museum in part of the building and took much too much of their time learning about the area and the history of this remarkable family…and when we went to dinner on the way home John told us it was the best day of his life…which turned out to be true because he died one month later…
Now I know that his drum set was already started but I never heard about it…they just dealt with the setback themselves and didn’t bother us…I always wondered about John’s set…and what became of it but it was too hard to do anything else…way too painful to ask (even to this day..I just don’t want to really know) But I did get to see what it looked like, and what it sounded like because Lauren and Tom gave each other the drum set for their wedding gift…it will be the centerpiece of the foundation that they have set up in his honor. Noble and Cooley sent the snare drum for John’s friend to play as Lauren walked down the aisle on her wedding day…his beautiful maple drum was there…made by a beautiful family for our beautiful day…and I just know that they probably didn’t make one penny on that set…which is just another example of how wonderful they are…and kind…and special…another gift that John has given me…
So my message this month is that if you look around you will probably see gifts you have been given too…although I will admit that sometimes you really have to look hard to find them… but they are there…to be cherished and treasured and appreciated … while you have the opportunity.