Monday, July 26, 2010

July 2010

Today is a Full Thunder Moon, for the reason that thunderstorms are most frequent during this time, which is certainly what we have experienced this summer! For me, it has been a full thunder moon both literally and figuratively because, like a bolt of thunder, I have heard this month of the death of a friend’s young daughter and another’s husband. If only I could tell others of the feeling you have when you realize that the sadness will never really go away, or how silly you feel when you think back to realize that you woke up that morning thinking it was just another day… only to find out that the universe had other plans.

I choose now to believe in an afterlife in the hope that I will see John again…read all kinds of books on the subject; searching for a way to make sure that someday I will have my happy little family together again…I just bought a clothes line and drive a hybrid car; two things I would never do before John died -but I am not taking chances … need to have as many points in the “good” column as possible and just being a nice person is really difficult for me…so I try to find other ways to get there (not going to lie to you…being “good “to the earth is a much easier day to day commitment for me than being “good” to others !) I am certain that the rest of my family will make it to wherever John is…it is me I am nervous about…

And that’s the funny thing about buying into an afterlife, I just can’t believe that the John’s job was over…that he was finished with his life’s work. At his wake I heard so many kids tell me wonderful stories about the kind things he had done…it took my breath away..I only wished I thought to start asking stories at the beginning of the wake…I am certain I missed some …and those acts need to be told - to let others know that kindness DOES matter…

In my mind, John should be here…still being his nice self! And I should be over with the big part of my job…I should be sitting around, admiring the good job I did (ha ha), not writing blogs as a way to keep the “spirit” of his kindness going…HE should be doing it…

And that is the way I feel about the other people that have joined him … I can’t believe that their job was finished…when you hear about really truly good and kind people who die you say to the universe…REALLY??? You don’t think we need MORE of these types of people???? I don’t get it…and doubt I ever will….

So, today…try to think about this…what if this was your last moment…have you measured up??? Would news of your passing hit others like thunder???? If not, this is a good time to get going…

2 comments:

Whitney said...

Paula,
You have such a way with words. I look forward to your entries every month but I truly enjoyed this one. You have a beautiful way to put things in perspective.
Lots of love,
Whitney

Susi said...

Thanks for the encouragement. You know I need it down here in the trenches. Trying to be good to others is a daily struggle for me. Thanks for reminding me to be good and live fully.