February 2013

February's full Moon is traditionally called the Full Snow Moon because usually the heaviest snows fall in February. (Certainly true this year!!!)

I often get very stressed out when I know the full moon is coming because I have no idea what I am going to write about…but this month I have had the idea in my back pocket for weeks!! Yeah, stress free month!

When you experience a challenging life experience that is beyond your control it is impossible to move on without finding new ways of looking at life …of finding solutions that make it possible to get up every morning. For me, one of them was reading books on the topics of death and the purpose of life. I am sure many people think it is crazy but one thing I have learned through all of this is not to judge others who are just trying to get by.

I don’t read them as much as I did when John died but every once in a while I still grab one and give it a go…and this month I came across a thought that I am keeping! I am paraphrasing but it goes something like: God gives you gifts in life, but these gifts are not meant to last your lifetime.

Naturally, that made me think of John, I remember telling someone at his wake that if I knew I was only getting him for 23 years I would have taken it. So, I knew that this concept was true…even then. But now that I have almost 6 years to live it…I can reflect on the idea of these “God given gifts “in a broader sense…and in more contexts… and I can see it in other people’s lives. I think that this has made me look back at John’s life and tell myself that I got a lot of little gifts from having him in my life…not just the obvious ones like the laughter he brought to us every day or the second hand exposure to new and exciting ideas due to all his interests …we got much, much more than that…we learned to look at the actions of people from their point of view, not ours and to be so very grateful for friends, our town, our family.  After John died we lost the one of the greatest gifts that could ever have been given. But…we have learned that we must take the time to stop every so often to evaluate the gifts we do have at the moment. 

I spent so many days worrying about things in life that really and truly didn’t matter at all…I know I could have spent the time I had with John more wisely…I am sure people who develop illnesses wish they used the time they had when they were healthy more appropriately…we all have 20/20 vision in hindsight…

And that is my message this month…take a minute to realize what gifts you have been given right now…knowing that they are probably not going to be yours forever and should be cherished for the brief time you are lucky enough to have them.