Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Sturgeon Moon

My nephew died this month…twenty three years old… same as Johnny. Sad beyond belief…I can’t begin to explain the helplessness you feel watching your sister go through this pain. In some ways it is worse because you know the feelings so well but are powerless to help others cope.

Sometimes life just stinks.

But I must say that I am convinced more than ever that you have to be so happy for the gifts you are given every day…I certain I am not supposed to dwell in the sadness that can so easily envelop me...if we spend any time feeling sorry for ourselves because we don’t have as much money as we would like, or the job we want, or the family life we think we deserve, or perfect health..then we have wasted that time and we simply can not get it back…and who knows what events are ahead for us…we could actually look back at the current situation and think that was a piece of cake!!!

I have had many other issues in life that, at the time, I thought were horrendous! Boy, do they seem like little bumps in the road now...I often forget about them…but the feeling of someone sitting on my chest when I think about John just never goes away…ever…
Today when I saw Mrs. Ling rubbing and rubbing her daughter’s arm I remembered that when I had my one dream about John I was kissing and kissing his arm! And I was off…bad, bad day… God, I wish I had him back to hug and kiss and laugh with (or at)…or just get to be his mom again.

And then I just have to stop myself and not stay in this place. I have to think about the things in my life that are positive…my future son in-law who has made my daughter so happy that she has returned to the care free girl I knew when she was in grade school, my friends, my family... and I think I am lucky for that.

So…today…try to think of one thing that makes you feel lucky and hang on to that for dear life…because to have it is such a gift.

Happy Full Sturgeon Moon! The fishing tribes are given credit for the naming of this moon, since sturgeon, a large fish of the Great Lakes and other major bodies of water, were most readily caught during this month.


Ken said...

Beautiful post. As I read, with tears in my eyes, a red jeep drove slowly down my street. I love you guys...Katie xox

Sue said...

You are absolutely amazing. You find a silver lining in in every diversity. Johnny was blessed to have you as his Mom and his Mom you will always be. Miss ya....Sue

Elizabeth said...

Wonderful post this month; if there is a family that never deserved to suffer such losses it's yours. But you will always be Johnny's mother just as Linda will always be Bentley's. The love that you carry for them will never die. I see so much of John Ryan in both you and Big John that sometimes I can't help but feel that same weight on my chest as Mr Pike tells a story or you find that silver lining in the muck, it is so clear to me how John became the person that he was, he had an amazing template to start with.

The moon has been so beautiful this week, I have been anticipating your latest entry. I only hope that the happiness we all have to look forward to with Lauren's upcoming nuptials will keep at least some grief at bay. Your whole family deserves a little celebration. Love you all... Lilly xoxoxo

hunta said...

Thank you for reminding me to hold dear what I have today. I need to remember this EVERY day!


sometimes my two sons get me so mad, I get disappointed that they never acheived what my friends kids did, didn't live up to things as I had hoped they would, but when i read your posts about your wonderful son, I can't imagine not having mine in my life, and now I feel the need to call my youngest and tell him I love him, even though we are angry at each other right now, I think being his mom, I will call him....thanks Mrs.pike, for your beautifu words of wisdom.