Tuesday, March 10, 2009

March 10, 2009

Although I really don't think John would like to be used as a role model because he never thought he was, in retrospect, all the little tiny things he did were so remarkable for someone so young. I don't think I gave him enough praise for them when they happened...and we all know how I can gush..Maybe this is my way of making up for it..If I can get enough people to just copy the things he did once a month it would make the world a little better for everyone.

so, here is my story...

As you know, our family loves any type of technology, so naturally, when iPods were first introduced Johnny got one for Christmas. Because it involved music he caught on right away (unlike some of the other gizos that were supposed to help him get organized) He spent a whole day putting his music on it..and in those days it was difficult because the PC to iPod connection was not very smooth. He was very organized and filled up the memory quickly, but he loved it. Used it in the car, etc.. He was into it.
Well, when my sister came with her kids, my niece Charlotte showed up with a new laptop. I was telling her about John's music and decided that I would let her borrow his music by uploading his iPod to her computer. We loaded iTunes and promptly wiped out his iPod when we tried to "sync" with Charlotte's empty computer! If I had taken the time to read the instructions I would have known that it isn't a sync at all..it is a one way transfer and because Charlottes computer was empty it took all her emptyness and transferred it into John's iPod! Then I think we made matters worse by somehow getting the music off his computer too...in any case it was not good..and I felt terrible for him.
What is noteworthy about this day was that he never said a thing except "that's ok". I asked if he was going to have to reload all his music and he said "yes, but it's ok" and he never brought it up again.
never mentioned it when we spoke of situations like it or reminded me when he could have said..."mom.. remember when you wrecked my computer?? " He never did, not once. And so today my message is to let things go, don't harp on things, and just move on. I have never forgotten that I did that so I didn't need to be reminded. Now I look back and think of what a wonderful gesture it was for him to just forgive me and forget it...and I am thankful for that. And I love him more for it.
So today, when someone makes a mistake...try to let it go...
everyone will be better for it.
Thank you and good luck..it is not as easy as it seems to let go.


Beckie said...

Thats a beautiful story Paula , and truly reminds us how we should live our lives :) I think of your family and John very often. xoxo

Anonymous said...

paula--thanks for sharing your beautiful story. i can only imagine what you and char were thinking once you realized what you had done!

john had so many gifts. now looking back, john had a keen ability to always accept people and circumstances for what they were- always open, always accepting, always loving. this reminds me to be more accepting and let things go. oxox 'auntie linda'

Shiv said...

That is most definitely something that we all need to think about more in our lives. Sometimes I think that is really easier said than done, but it's always worth striving for.

We're coming up on the annual SXSW festival next week and reading this made me realize that the last time I got to see John was at SXSW in March '07.

When I walked in to the venue where Ra Ra Riot were playing, he was the first one from the band to greet me and he came down off the stage from soundcheck to give me a big hug. I just remember that as being such a fantastic performance for them and so much to watch from the crowd and it's definitely how I will always remember your son.

Lots of love from Ohio,
Matt Shiv
music director

Will said...

Thanks for this story. This really had an impact on me. I was really moved by this post and the rest of your posts.

John really is missed.

I am trying to get the rest of the blog community to see these touching posts. I posted it here:


I wish you the best!

-will from we all want someone to shout for

hunta said...

Paula, that is a lesson that lesson I could learn from my own son as well. He handles those mistakes and disappointments with grace -- a hug and its over and forgotten. When this happened recently (his mom inadvertently wrecked a model he had worked hard on building) I thought about why he was able to handle it so well. I know he was very disappointed but he let it go like a breeze. My conclusion was that he knew that he has unconditional love from us and to his credit, ranked that higher than his hurt. Sounds simple but I struggle with that kind of clarity myself.

So John's ease to forgive and forget must have come having such a strong foundation and the knowledge that your love for him was complete.


Geneva Beaudry said...


I would love it if you included me in these updates.

Feel free to send me emails with all of your writing :)

Love to you and your family

John's friend, Geneva Beaudry

The Rug said...

Another really nice one Paula. It reminds me of this one time driving back from Singing Beach with John...

We must have been at the beach for a cookout or fire in the evening, because it was night when he dropped me off afterwards. Anyways, I remember on the ride home, somehow or rather I realized my sandy feet were stepping all over these cd's that had fallen out of his cd booklet on the floor - just scratching them to hell!

When we both realized it, he just laughed at how ridiculous the situation was - probably the worst thing that could happen to them was happening - i mean what substance could be worse for a cd than a bunch of sand? But he told me not to worry about it, they were just cds and it was an accident, and let it go with a chuckle... he was pretty incredible.


Jesse said...

Hi John's Mom! I don't know if you remember, but I sent you a letter at the time, but I haven't been onto your blog until today. These stories are priceless. And such a wonderful way to remind all of us how lucky we were to have a piece of John - no matter how small or large. That iPod story makes so much sense! He was SO centered - had his head on straight and knew what really mattered and what was important to let slide. I'm awaiting many more John tales as 2009 continues.

Glad to be one of the many readers,

colleenbrophystone said...

Dear Paula,
I remember that day. I felt so bad for Johnny. You were trying to be so nice like you always are to my girls, always helping out, especially to Charlotte. We miss him everyday!
auntie col