September 2012

The Full Corn Moon corresponds with the time of harvesting corn. It is also called the Barley Moon, because it is the time to harvest and thresh the ripened barley. 

This month, we also celebrate what we call a Harvest Moon, which is the full Moon nearest the autumnal equinox. It can occur in September or October and is bright enough to allow finishing all the harvest chores.

The Full Harvest Moon is different than all our other full Moons. Around this date, the Moon rises at almost the same time for a number of nights in our northern latitudes.

This month on the full moon we will be celebrating with John’s girlfriend Mary and her family because she is in a play in New York and we are going to the city to see her. We are so excited because we have not seen Mary in quite some time as she moved to the west coast.

As our plans have developed I can’t help but think back to the times we went to see her perform in Syracuse. We would meet John and Mary’s parents for a quick bite and go to see her play. It was so much fun, I love her family and spending time with them…thought I was so lucky that John picked a girl with such a terrific family. I knew they loved him as much as I did…I was sure life was going to be great for them.

John and Mary were so well suited for one another…they were very creative and each encouraged the other to develop their talents. However, Mary decided to give up her dreams when it became clear that John’s career was going to take off. I know she made this decision without discussing it. I think she decided to go to grad school for Speech Pathology so that she could be the one who was always around when John was free…she would live the nine to five life so he could be free to fulfill his dream. She told me once that he asked her, in all honesty, to promise that she would someday go back to acting…she was shocked that he didn’t know what she was doing and why.

I don’t think he could wrap his head around the fact that some people don’t get to follow their dream..some by choice and some not…

John was lucky to have had the opportunity to live a life that allowed him to spend the majority of his time on things he loved to do…music, sports, beer making etc. He died so young he didn't get a chance to make the sacrifices that parents do.…No wonder he was so happy all the time! 

And so, as we get to relive a piece of the life we thought we were going to have, I suggest you spend some time on this full moon doing something you love…something that makes you happy…so you can go out and pass that happiness to others.

August 2012

Happy Full Blue Moon!

When I did my Google search for the Indian meaning for the blue moon I came across this one which is so different from the ones I usually use…as I read it I thought…well..maybe people want a change of pace so let’s give a different perspective on second Full Moon this month!

The Blue Moon in Pisces on Friday. It is called a Blue Moon because it will be our second Full Moon of the month! (from US perspective) The Sun in Virgo brings the energies of service and healing and with the Full Moon in Pisces what seems to be emerging in people are feelings needing to be healed, old wounds being exposed and coming into our awareness so we can clear the energetic beliefs around our wounds!

Unfortunately for me, I know I will never, ever be able to stop missing John., no healing here.  I do forgive the people who killed him… no good comes from harboring hatred and John would be disappointed in us if we were all paralyzed by it.  We choose to honor him by doing the good things he was known for (although we know full well we don’t have the gift he had for touching people…but we do try)

As I have said before, John was very good at picking friends and I have another success story to tell about some of them! When John went to Syracuse he was in band was with a great and very talented group of kids..they had a several names…Sweaty Pants among them (you get the gist…freshman in college..what can I say) He played both guitar and drums…and I think he was so happy with the group because they encouraged him to try out his music and were talented enough to actually preform  the songs that were in his head!  They played a lot of Frat parties. It didn’t take them long to figure that the frat boys did not really want or need additional men at the parties and playing music for them was a very good way to get their foot in the door and have some fun! John was way too inclusive to ever consider joining a frat but would never say no to a good party!!

I don’t know exactly why his friend Adam first decided that he needed to add a gimmick to the band but he did…I remember John telling me that he was serving waffles at the events they played…I don’t even remember if John was still in the band at that time…but I clearly remember how impressed John was with the idea…and how excited he was when Adam and Kyle wrote and were awarded a grant from the college to open a restaurant that would feature sweet and savory waffles! John just thought that was the coolest thing ever and was so proud of his friends!

The boys worked so hard to make “Funk and Waffles” a success and it is! This week, Guy Feri from the Food Network came to visit and is featuring them in an upcoming show!! (here is the clip of him talking to the local news about it :  http://www.9wsyr.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=3729720 ) It is unbelievable that a couple of kids could make a go of it in the highly competitive restaurant business …especially when they don’t have a liquor license! It is just plain incredible! Improbable!! But true!

I was thinking when I watched the video that John would be so proud…he was always happy for others while playing down his own accomplishments.  I really wished he was here so we could talk about it…it would be so much more fun to have him here to celebrate with. He would be on cloud nine!

This got me to thinking that I get so happy when great things happen to John’s friends.  I think this happens because I am able to imagine about how proud he would be of his friends and I also feel how lucky I am that they still stay in contact with me so I can live vicariously through them! I always thought that John’s music would be a hobby, never a way he could actually make money at… I mean who do you actually know anyone who makes it in that industry! I still have the contract from Virgin Atlantic that was to be signed two weeks after he died…something I think that he had trouble wrapping his head around too! But it was such a wonderful period in his life…so happy and hopeful. I love that other people (especially young kids) get to have accomplishments to be proud about…we don’t get nearly enough of them….Then I thought to myself…wouldn’t it be great if people could set aside jealously and be truly happy for others…when someone else gets a piece of good fortune we would celebrate with them… John was able to be so enthusiastic when his friends had something to rejoice about and it is part of the reason that people gravitated to him…so …that is what I am suggesting this month….just try to be happy when you hear good news about others and let them know that you celebrate their good fortune! 

August

Full Sturgeon Moon –The fishing tribes are given credit for the naming of this Moon, since sturgeon, a large fish of the Great Lakes and other major bodies of water, were most readily caught during this month. A few tribes knew it as the Full Red Moon because, as the Moon rises, it appears reddish through any sultry haze. It was also called the Green Corn Moon or Grain Moon.

Thank you to the Olympic Committee for choosing London for the site this year because without this I would have nothing to say this month (impossible to believe for those who know me but it is true)!

John always loved to travel because he found everything and everyone so interesting. I think that was one of the biggest selling points in his decision to join the band in the first place. He was smiling in almost every single picture taken of him while they traveled around the country.  He loved it so much that once he mentioned that he would love to travel to different regions and sample the foods… linking it to different kinds of beers (I know, that exact show is now on TV…he was always ahead of his time).

Clearly thought, the highlight of his career was when they went to London. I think that is when he realized that he was REALLY talented. In fact, when he was applying for his visa he asked me what he should write in the space provided for occupation. I suggested the obvious choice (musician) and he replied “Really?” When I told him that was what he was doing over there he quietly thought about it for a minute and I think it was the first time that he began to get where his life was going. This is probably why he was so loved by the people who came to see him…he never thought he was going to be a superstar; he was just the kid having fun….and people appreciated that about him.

We really wanted to go with him. My husband hates to fly but he was all for this trip. I researched hotels and flights but when we got John’s schedule we realized that we were only going to be able to spend one day together at most because they had to be back in NY to play almost immediately after the last show. I would have done it but the more I thought of it I decided that our presence may add a lot of stress to his trip. He was a kid who would have taken the time to be with us even if he had to loose sleep to do it…John wasn’t a good juggler of time so I just thought I should back off and let him have his own experience … I stupidly thought that there would be other trips to England …we would go next time when he had the lay of the land. I had to settle for his description of the trip…had to envision the sight when he told me that he had “goosebumbs” when he played at a club called Koko’s (Charlie Chaplin played there and I think he told me that it was the biggest venue they ever played) My heart broke when I found out that he didn’t go with the band to talk to record companies about the deals that they would get…he choose to tour London by himself…I couldn’t believe that he was all alone taking pictures of all the noteworthy sites! (Being a speech pathologist I have always enjoyed the family discussions that go with new experiences…almost cried that he was not able to do that because I know how much it adds to the trip) When he sat with us to show us the photos we all told him we were going next time so he had to make sure the booking agent left time at the end of the tour for US!  We really truly thought that would happen…that there would be TIME for that….

So, my message for you this month is to take the bulls by the horns when you can…experience everything offered to you in life.. especially when it involves people you love…because you have no guaranties. I have so much trouble looking at all the shots of London…wanting so much to remember what John would have said about it all…trying to recall every word he said about the trip…I KNOW I would have remembered better if I had been there with him…and I would give anything to have that memory.  

July 2012

The Full Buck Moon - July is normally the month when the new antlers of buck deer push out of their foreheads in coatings of velvety fur. It was also often called the Full Thunder Moon, for the reason that thunderstorms are most frequent during this time. Another name for this month’s Moon was the Full Hay Moon.

As I have mentioned many times in the past. I choose to believe that I am going to see John again…never really gave the concept of an afterlife much thought before he died but believing in it now is the only way I can get through and I subscribe to the philosophy that you do whatever you need to do to get through this life (as long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process…and let’s face it, by the time I find out if it is true or not I will be dead too so…mission accomplished!)

Given that fact, I think that if I really truly want to see him again I had better try very hard to be good enough to make it to wherever he is…I have visions of him shaking his head and saying to me “Oh, mom….sorry!” 

It is not easy for me to be kind and generous…I am ashamed to admit that I have to remind myself all the time to be a better person. It is constant battle for me. I go to bed at night and as I replay the day I think of all the times I could have done better…it just doesn’t come to me in the moment…as it always did for John. He was the kind of person who you looked at and thought to yourself…”Wow…what a nice thing to do. Wish I had thought of it!”  Often he did little things that were not hard to do … he just was in the moment that way.

I spend my life thinking that I need to make John proud of me…but I thought that this was a personal issue for me…until recently when I received an email from one of John’s dearest friends. She just earned her PhD and I emailed her my congratulates, when she wrote back that not only did she dedicate her theses to John she also lamented the fact that he wasn’t there to share in this accomplishment (as he was when they both graduated from Syracuse) ….and then she echoed the statement that I use so often;

“ I guess I would just like to know that I made John proud.”

 which, of course, he would be because he really got excited when people succeeded at things they love. He would have been the first to read her thesis…marveling at the contents and telling her how smart she is and what an interesting topic she chose. He would have been so honored and humbled by her dedication…he would tell her in one hundred ways…he was proud of her.

And that brings me to think …as I have so many times in the past…how do you make that kind of an impact on people…what do you do to make people want to please you, even when you haven’t seen them for 5 years! How do you inspire that kind of devotion in people? I am in awe of that and think it is probably his best attribute…one I can never lay claim to. (his father is responsible for passing on that trait)

So on this full moon when you will probably be with lots of people…try to think of ways you can  inspire this kind of admiration in others…maybe you help someone with their blanket as you watch the fireworks…or pick something up for them as they pack up from the beach…or hold back when you really want to give someone a hard time…can you imagine the world if more people acted this way? Let John’s impact on others influence your behavior this holiday weekend and make it a celebration for all!

June 2012

Full Strawberry Moon – June This name was universal to every Algonquin tribe. However, in Europe they called it the Rose Moon. Also because the relatively short season for harvesting strawberries comes each year during the month of June . . . so the full Moon that occurs during that month was christened for the strawberry!

Hello June….here we are again…fifth year now and they are always the same. I start to get anxious as soon as spring comes…dreading the fact that I know I have to “gear up” to fight the sadness that comes with June 3^rd.  Oh, how I wish I could just wipe that day off the calendar every year…but unfortunately it would not be the only day I would ditch and when you count holidays, birthdays, etc. the year would be only a few months long by the time I was finished!

Every year I think back to the first year we lived without John…it is not true that time heals…I am finding that I miss him more because as time marches on I have things I want to talk to him about…I wonder what he would think of the babies…what would he say about current events…he was so well read I would like to know his opinion about lots of things.

I also wish he was around to help his dad …. they had fun together and as John got older he liked to give a hand, especially moving things…John was actually stronger than my husband as he grew..so he was a big help. I would like to see his face when we got the Pruis…I know he would have been surprised and happy.

At this time of year I hear from lots of John’s friends. Often they tell me a story of something he did or said…and I have to say, I am so comforted by the fact that he has friends who not only still think of him, but who are kind enough to let me know it. It is weird but I really like the fact that he was important to other people…. and I love the stories, they are always moving and funny, so they make me remember him as though it was yesterday.

Memories are comforting but his things. … that is a different story. I have not been able to re-do his bedroom, still have all his clothes and even his textbooks! I can’t throw anything away, if he had it …it still lives! I even had his toothbrush and contacts until recently. It is sick, I know it…and I am trying to change my ways…slowly. But I have to tell you it is very, very difficult.  

I realized that the days I am most sad are usually when I unexpectantly come across something of John’s.  It is the shock of finding his “stuff” that can just bring me to tears…and if I am alone..I am in trouble for the whole day. You would think this would force me to get rid of the “stuff” but for some crazy reason it feels like I am throwing him away! So it stays….

Which leads to my message this month…try not to spend one more minute than you have to acquiring “stuff” that you really don’t need. It is only going to be hanging around for everyone to deal with after you are gone…instead….try to spend your time and money acquiring as many memories as you can with the people you love…because that is what is going to pull you through the tough times…and those memories are what will bring you comfort in the end…not the “stuff”, a life lesson I live every single day.

May 2012

The biggest full moon of the year is 11:35 pm today. This “Supermoon” will be the biggest because the moon’s orbit is not a perfect circle and it will be closest to the Earth today. The May full moon is predicted to be about 16% brighter than average.

To best view this weekend’s “Supermoon”, look for it just after it rises or before it sets, when it is close to the horizon. If you can catch a view of the moon behind buildings or trees, an effect produces an optical illusion, making the moon seem even larger than it really is.

The last “Supermoon” was in March of 2011. (Thank you Jill Kane J)

I happen to read a post on Facebook recently that asked people to remember the best day of their life…and only one person posted to it…I almost added to it but I thought I would just be “Debbie Downer” so I let it go…but I think about the best day of my life every single Mother’s Day. 

John was touring in May and he had a few days off around Mother’s Day. Mary’s mom was having a brunch and I told him to just stay there…I was very willing to share him. (I figured I had to start getting used to it as both my kids were getting older and it would be part of my life soon.) For some reason John was adamant that he and Mary come to Hamilton for dinner…which was going to translate into a 5 hour drive for them…I was not comfortable about it…thought it would mean that they would be too exhausted to have any fun at all…but he would not hear any of it…they were coming and that was that.

We all went to dinner that night and I can so clearly remember looking at my family and thinking how lucky I was that they grew into such likeable adults…I could not think of any people I would rather be with…I enjoyed them so much! I just could not have been happier or more content…I figured my job was over and .. go figure…they turned out well!

Just having my family together was the perfect gift to me..but on top of that John brought me two trees…a Japanese Maple to replace one that had died and another Maple from Mary’s Dad…such a thoughtful gift..and one I really needed too!! (I hated the empty spot in my garden where my cute little maple had been) The cards that the kids gave me made me cry…so heartfelt…I actually brought them to work to put under my blotter so I could look at them and remember how much I loved that day …and my kids.

How lucky was I to save those cards…it turns out it was the last card I would get from John…last time he would write “Love ya Mom” …last family event…every single day I wonder what he would think of our family now…what would he say about the twins…how funny he would be with them...would he see himself in them?…and this thought is echoed by everyone else….our family has grown but the hole is, and will always be there for all of us.

After John died I was given two trees from people who I love and they loved John…but we just could not keep them alive…but those two maples are still going strong…and every spring I smile when I remember the day I got them…and I think of how lucky I am to be able to remember the best day of my life! My message to you today is to appreciate the good days…take a minute to look at your life and take in your successes…don’t second guess the motivation of others when they offer a kind gesture…and hang on to them…they are a precious gift.  You don’t have to have a "SuperMoon" kind of event to matter…sometimes the "SuperPeople" are what means the most!