Almost forgot to post today because I am still recovering from the HomeRun Derby we had yesterday. ...
When John died it was so diffcult for his friends because they were still so young and had never expected this to happen...so, in an effort to cope and keep the group together, one of his friends (Richard) came to us as they were all going back to thier lives and asked if they could all come back every June 3rd and "take us out to eat or something". How cute was that? These kids were just starting out or still in school and they wanted to come to treat us to dinner!! It was just the dearest gesture... and I got it.
So, when Lauren started the foundation to give kids the ability to borrow instruments we naturally thought that a fundraiser on that weekend would be a good idea...that way they could get together and have fun, and for me, remember happy times.
Saturday was our second annual "Home Run Derby" and I got to spend the day with all of John's friends ...from home and from Syracuse. John was a good athlete and loved baseball so all his friends from that area of his life had fun doing that and we also have all his friends that played music come and perform at the gazebo in our park where John played many times over the years. We have pictures of him drumming as a middle school student in his band "Johnny Elastic and the Rubber Bands" and then playing the guitar with "The Sunbeams" in high school...we even have a picture of him in the high school band, plume on the hat and all!! And as I sat and listened to his friends play his songs along with those of famous people I had to think how much he would have loved that day...it would have been his idea of perfection...sports and music. He would have been in awe of the number of people that came from so far away to pay homage to him...I know he would have been humbled by it because we always are.
I started thinking about the foundation that his sister Lauren has begun and wonder how we are going to keep it going...will these kids move on in life...get so caught up in their lives that they can't keep the committment? It worries me because Lauren is alone and clings to this for him. But then I realized that John would only care that people committ to something in life..to pick a cause that you have a passion for and support it ... in short...just help....contribute to the planet in some way...and that is what I would like to suggest today. For us all to take a minute before we fall asleep tonight to think of what good we can do, to pick something that we can keep at for a while, and do it. I have had mine given to me but many of you are lucky enough to actually have an option...and that is a wonderful gift to have been given in life. Good luck and thanks for your endless support.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Full Flower Moon
John loved spring…Every year when John was in college we would have the same conversation at this time of year. School would be finishing up and we would be talking often to find out when he was finished with finals so we could come and pick up his stuff to bring home (which was always a truckload of musical instruments, including a full drum set, at least one guitar, an amp and a full sized organ along with his beer making equipment) It was testimony to how smart he was that he graduated magna cum laude when you notice how little “school” related items that went back and forth every year! People tell us all the time funny stories about his study skills!!!
But I digress…our discussions at this time of year always centered around the amount of bloom on the trees and did I think they would be out before he came home. He was very concerned that he would come home after the flowering trees had lost their flowers and the trees would be in full bloom. There was something about the color of the trees when they first bud that he loved.
Well, I was pulling out of our driveway this week and noticed that the sunlight was filtering through the baby leaves and it was just beautiful. Naturally I thought about him and wished he could be here to see it. But I also took a minute to thank him for teaching me to notice. So my full moon wish for you this month is to take the time to notice the gifts you have been given in life…sometimes they are so beautiful, simple, and free and to thank anyone who has made you stop and notice it!! Enjoy the beautiful spring.
ps. thank you Toni for telling me about the "flower moon" I think that is what made me notice the trees!
But I digress…our discussions at this time of year always centered around the amount of bloom on the trees and did I think they would be out before he came home. He was very concerned that he would come home after the flowering trees had lost their flowers and the trees would be in full bloom. There was something about the color of the trees when they first bud that he loved.
Well, I was pulling out of our driveway this week and noticed that the sunlight was filtering through the baby leaves and it was just beautiful. Naturally I thought about him and wished he could be here to see it. But I also took a minute to thank him for teaching me to notice. So my full moon wish for you this month is to take the time to notice the gifts you have been given in life…sometimes they are so beautiful, simple, and free and to thank anyone who has made you stop and notice it!! Enjoy the beautiful spring.
ps. thank you Toni for telling me about the "flower moon" I think that is what made me notice the trees!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
April 8,2009
This month I have decided to share with you a beautiful poem John wrote. We found it after he died and have framed it because it was titled "for Mom and Dad"
To say that John was a handful when he was young is an understatement. There were times when he was two that I would lay in bed at night and tell my husband that I didn't say one kind thing to him all day.
Oh, the stories are endless...he told my 90 year old great aunt to "drop the pwesants and weave" at his second birthday..then when she tried to steady herself by holding on to the back of his high chair while we were singing happy birthday to him, he noticed she had invaded his space and proceeded to physically remove her hands! And the face on him while it was happening..we have it on tape!
He was caught more than once relieving himself in the bushes of the Carmelite Nursery and single-handedly caused the retirement of one nun...who told me once that the problem with him was that you couldn't make him cry! (to which I replied that I didn't realize that was a goal of nursery school)
It goes on and on...and I probably will mention more of them as this blog proceeds... However, I often think I wish that I could go back and tell him how much I always loved him, how proud I was of the man he had become..and to ask if I was forgiven for any time I had done anything that was hurtful toward him. In short, I wish I could ask him if I was a good enough mother...
and then we found this...
Blessed are the ones who sow
for they alone bring crops to grow.
And in the case of sickly stems
that others would soon stamp out
those who sow shall blanket in cold,
and water in times of drought.
Ironically, the tallest, proudest plant in the field
was scheduled to be stomped out long ago
and quietly it would have been
were it not for those who sow.
My point in all of this is that you just never know the lasting effect your actions have...and you may not get to fix a mistake or a slight...and you don't really know who the tallest, proudest plant will be...so this month, try to make sure you remember that...and treat every little plant as though it will become something beautiful...cause they do sometimes in spite of us..but just think of how much more good can be done if we try! (I do realize I somehow lucked out in life with John..he turned out great all by himself...but I hope that I can make up for the mean things I said or did to him...and all his friends know what I mean by that!)
To say that John was a handful when he was young is an understatement. There were times when he was two that I would lay in bed at night and tell my husband that I didn't say one kind thing to him all day.
Oh, the stories are endless...he told my 90 year old great aunt to "drop the pwesants and weave" at his second birthday..then when she tried to steady herself by holding on to the back of his high chair while we were singing happy birthday to him, he noticed she had invaded his space and proceeded to physically remove her hands! And the face on him while it was happening..we have it on tape!
He was caught more than once relieving himself in the bushes of the Carmelite Nursery and single-handedly caused the retirement of one nun...who told me once that the problem with him was that you couldn't make him cry! (to which I replied that I didn't realize that was a goal of nursery school)
It goes on and on...and I probably will mention more of them as this blog proceeds... However, I often think I wish that I could go back and tell him how much I always loved him, how proud I was of the man he had become..and to ask if I was forgiven for any time I had done anything that was hurtful toward him. In short, I wish I could ask him if I was a good enough mother...
and then we found this...
Blessed are the ones who sow
for they alone bring crops to grow.
And in the case of sickly stems
that others would soon stamp out
those who sow shall blanket in cold,
and water in times of drought.
Ironically, the tallest, proudest plant in the field
was scheduled to be stomped out long ago
and quietly it would have been
were it not for those who sow.
My point in all of this is that you just never know the lasting effect your actions have...and you may not get to fix a mistake or a slight...and you don't really know who the tallest, proudest plant will be...so this month, try to make sure you remember that...and treat every little plant as though it will become something beautiful...cause they do sometimes in spite of us..but just think of how much more good can be done if we try! (I do realize I somehow lucked out in life with John..he turned out great all by himself...but I hope that I can make up for the mean things I said or did to him...and all his friends know what I mean by that!)
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
March 10, 2009
Although I really don't think John would like to be used as a role model because he never thought he was, in retrospect, all the little tiny things he did were so remarkable for someone so young. I don't think I gave him enough praise for them when they happened...and we all know how I can gush..Maybe this is my way of making up for it..If I can get enough people to just copy the things he did once a month it would make the world a little better for everyone.
so, here is my story...
As you know, our family loves any type of technology, so naturally, when iPods were first introduced Johnny got one for Christmas. Because it involved music he caught on right away (unlike some of the other gizos that were supposed to help him get organized) He spent a whole day putting his music on it..and in those days it was difficult because the PC to iPod connection was not very smooth. He was very organized and filled up the memory quickly, but he loved it. Used it in the car, etc.. He was into it.
Well, when my sister came with her kids, my niece Charlotte showed up with a new laptop. I was telling her about John's music and decided that I would let her borrow his music by uploading his iPod to her computer. We loaded iTunes and promptly wiped out his iPod when we tried to "sync" with Charlotte's empty computer! If I had taken the time to read the instructions I would have known that it isn't a sync at all..it is a one way transfer and because Charlottes computer was empty it took all her emptyness and transferred it into John's iPod! Then I think we made matters worse by somehow getting the music off his computer too...in any case it was not good..and I felt terrible for him.
so, here is my story...
As you know, our family loves any type of technology, so naturally, when iPods were first introduced Johnny got one for Christmas. Because it involved music he caught on right away (unlike some of the other gizos that were supposed to help him get organized) He spent a whole day putting his music on it..and in those days it was difficult because the PC to iPod connection was not very smooth. He was very organized and filled up the memory quickly, but he loved it. Used it in the car, etc.. He was into it.
Well, when my sister came with her kids, my niece Charlotte showed up with a new laptop. I was telling her about John's music and decided that I would let her borrow his music by uploading his iPod to her computer. We loaded iTunes and promptly wiped out his iPod when we tried to "sync" with Charlotte's empty computer! If I had taken the time to read the instructions I would have known that it isn't a sync at all..it is a one way transfer and because Charlottes computer was empty it took all her emptyness and transferred it into John's iPod! Then I think we made matters worse by somehow getting the music off his computer too...in any case it was not good..and I felt terrible for him.
What is noteworthy about this day was that he never said a thing except "that's ok". I asked if he was going to have to reload all his music and he said "yes, but it's ok" and he never brought it up again.
Ever...
never mentioned it when we spoke of situations like it or reminded me when he could have said..."mom.. remember when you wrecked my computer?? " He never did, not once. And so today my message is to let things go, don't harp on things, and just move on. I have never forgotten that I did that so I didn't need to be reminded. Now I look back and think of what a wonderful gesture it was for him to just forgive me and forget it...and I am thankful for that. And I love him more for it.
So today, when someone makes a mistake...try to let it go...
everyone will be better for it.
Thank you and good luck..it is not as easy as it seems to let go.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
February 9,2009
Hello everyone. Hope all that signed on to the one smile every day resolution is finding it easy to do. I think that by sending everyone this link to the Comedy Night that Lauren’s group is having will bring a smile to them. They work very hard to get this going…God love them, I know that John is proud of them. (www.sticksman.org)
Now for my message:
I know you all know how much I miss John every single day. I think of him all the time, no matter how hard I try to go back to my old self, I just can’t! Mary and I were talking about him last week and I mentioned how much I missed touching his hands, holding his face in my hands as I kissed him goodbye or hello, or his “way too hard” hugs. Mary misses the personal connection they had when she would snuggle into his neck. Even though I know I will be with him again, I ache for the human touch of him that I will never, ever feel again and I think that is the hardest for Mary too.
I wished that someone had told me to take a minute to think about those little things you would miss if you were not going to get to see the people you love again, and take the time to cherish them. I so want to hold those hands again, or kiss that cheek…so please take some time this month to do it…even if you are not very affectionate…it is almost Valentine’s Day so use that as the excuse.
Now for my message:
I know you all know how much I miss John every single day. I think of him all the time, no matter how hard I try to go back to my old self, I just can’t! Mary and I were talking about him last week and I mentioned how much I missed touching his hands, holding his face in my hands as I kissed him goodbye or hello, or his “way too hard” hugs. Mary misses the personal connection they had when she would snuggle into his neck. Even though I know I will be with him again, I ache for the human touch of him that I will never, ever feel again and I think that is the hardest for Mary too.
I wished that someone had told me to take a minute to think about those little things you would miss if you were not going to get to see the people you love again, and take the time to cherish them. I so want to hold those hands again, or kiss that cheek…so please take some time this month to do it…even if you are not very affectionate…it is almost Valentine’s Day so use that as the excuse.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Januray 11, 2009
Happy New Year
It is difficult to let go of the holiday theme when you worked for 27 years at the elementary school level so naturally I have been thinking about resolutions this month. I don’t remember John doing much of it but I do think I certainly need to! I also don’t’ want to preach to others or suggest anything that I couldn’t do myself for a whole year and this is what I came up with; try to make someone smile every day.
It could be a thoughtful gesture or a funny remark or just a little surprise but all those things are not too hard to do and would make your world a better place. I think everyone could use a smile during these tough times and to be the person to give that little gift to others will make you feel better at the end of the day as well!
I hope John likes my plan…he is probably thinking I should be doing more than one to make up for all the times I make my family frown every day!!
It is difficult to let go of the holiday theme when you worked for 27 years at the elementary school level so naturally I have been thinking about resolutions this month. I don’t remember John doing much of it but I do think I certainly need to! I also don’t’ want to preach to others or suggest anything that I couldn’t do myself for a whole year and this is what I came up with; try to make someone smile every day.
It could be a thoughtful gesture or a funny remark or just a little surprise but all those things are not too hard to do and would make your world a better place. I think everyone could use a smile during these tough times and to be the person to give that little gift to others will make you feel better at the end of the day as well!
I hope John likes my plan…he is probably thinking I should be doing more than one to make up for all the times I make my family frown every day!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
December
Sorry I am late with this post but it has been a crazy day. Spent the better part at a funeral and had to think how odd that I would spend this day..the full moon, at yet another funeral and then a mercy meal at the Community House. I used to think it was just horrible to have a loss at the holidays but now I know it doesn't make one bit of difference...they are never the same.
I did think of my post today and it occured to me that everyone should center their thoughts on the gifts they do have, right this minute, and be sure to take some time to appreciate them. John was certainly a master of that...he would have someone waiting in the driveway to pick him up and run to the shower because he had been writing music too long (sorry Tim, I did yell at him for that). But he never got worked up about it...and aren't we all so happy now to have his beautiful words and songs. And aren't we all glad that he did spend that extra minute with us..never rushing us..just being there..in the moment...for us.
It is so easy to get caught up in the things you think you should do at this time of year that it just isn't fun when the family comes..we are too worn out..Take it from John, being good to yourself allows you to give the gift of yourself to others, and that is something to treasure. So relax, no one remembers anything but the laughs and acts of kindness! So, focus on giving those to everyone you meet this year!
Love to all!
I did think of my post today and it occured to me that everyone should center their thoughts on the gifts they do have, right this minute, and be sure to take some time to appreciate them. John was certainly a master of that...he would have someone waiting in the driveway to pick him up and run to the shower because he had been writing music too long (sorry Tim, I did yell at him for that). But he never got worked up about it...and aren't we all so happy now to have his beautiful words and songs. And aren't we all glad that he did spend that extra minute with us..never rushing us..just being there..in the moment...for us.
It is so easy to get caught up in the things you think you should do at this time of year that it just isn't fun when the family comes..we are too worn out..Take it from John, being good to yourself allows you to give the gift of yourself to others, and that is something to treasure. So relax, no one remembers anything but the laughs and acts of kindness! So, focus on giving those to everyone you meet this year!
Love to all!
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