August

Full Sturgeon Moon –The fishing tribes are given credit for the naming of this Moon, since sturgeon, a large fish of the Great Lakes and other major bodies of water, were most readily caught during this month. A few tribes knew it as the Full Red Moon because, as the Moon rises, it appears reddish through any sultry haze. It was also called the Green Corn Moon or Grain Moon.

Thank you to the Olympic Committee for choosing London for the site this year because without this I would have nothing to say this month (impossible to believe for those who know me but it is true)!

John always loved to travel because he found everything and everyone so interesting. I think that was one of the biggest selling points in his decision to join the band in the first place. He was smiling in almost every single picture taken of him while they traveled around the country.  He loved it so much that once he mentioned that he would love to travel to different regions and sample the foods… linking it to different kinds of beers (I know, that exact show is now on TV…he was always ahead of his time).

Clearly thought, the highlight of his career was when they went to London. I think that is when he realized that he was REALLY talented. In fact, when he was applying for his visa he asked me what he should write in the space provided for occupation. I suggested the obvious choice (musician) and he replied “Really?” When I told him that was what he was doing over there he quietly thought about it for a minute and I think it was the first time that he began to get where his life was going. This is probably why he was so loved by the people who came to see him…he never thought he was going to be a superstar; he was just the kid having fun….and people appreciated that about him.

We really wanted to go with him. My husband hates to fly but he was all for this trip. I researched hotels and flights but when we got John’s schedule we realized that we were only going to be able to spend one day together at most because they had to be back in NY to play almost immediately after the last show. I would have done it but the more I thought of it I decided that our presence may add a lot of stress to his trip. He was a kid who would have taken the time to be with us even if he had to loose sleep to do it…John wasn’t a good juggler of time so I just thought I should back off and let him have his own experience … I stupidly thought that there would be other trips to England …we would go next time when he had the lay of the land. I had to settle for his description of the trip…had to envision the sight when he told me that he had “goosebumbs” when he played at a club called Koko’s (Charlie Chaplin played there and I think he told me that it was the biggest venue they ever played) My heart broke when I found out that he didn’t go with the band to talk to record companies about the deals that they would get…he choose to tour London by himself…I couldn’t believe that he was all alone taking pictures of all the noteworthy sites! (Being a speech pathologist I have always enjoyed the family discussions that go with new experiences…almost cried that he was not able to do that because I know how much it adds to the trip) When he sat with us to show us the photos we all told him we were going next time so he had to make sure the booking agent left time at the end of the tour for US!  We really truly thought that would happen…that there would be TIME for that….

So, my message for you this month is to take the bulls by the horns when you can…experience everything offered to you in life.. especially when it involves people you love…because you have no guaranties. I have so much trouble looking at all the shots of London…wanting so much to remember what John would have said about it all…trying to recall every word he said about the trip…I KNOW I would have remembered better if I had been there with him…and I would give anything to have that memory.  

July 2012

The Full Buck Moon - July is normally the month when the new antlers of buck deer push out of their foreheads in coatings of velvety fur. It was also often called the Full Thunder Moon, for the reason that thunderstorms are most frequent during this time. Another name for this month’s Moon was the Full Hay Moon.

As I have mentioned many times in the past. I choose to believe that I am going to see John again…never really gave the concept of an afterlife much thought before he died but believing in it now is the only way I can get through and I subscribe to the philosophy that you do whatever you need to do to get through this life (as long as you don’t hurt anyone in the process…and let’s face it, by the time I find out if it is true or not I will be dead too so…mission accomplished!)

Given that fact, I think that if I really truly want to see him again I had better try very hard to be good enough to make it to wherever he is…I have visions of him shaking his head and saying to me “Oh, mom….sorry!” 

It is not easy for me to be kind and generous…I am ashamed to admit that I have to remind myself all the time to be a better person. It is constant battle for me. I go to bed at night and as I replay the day I think of all the times I could have done better…it just doesn’t come to me in the moment…as it always did for John. He was the kind of person who you looked at and thought to yourself…”Wow…what a nice thing to do. Wish I had thought of it!”  Often he did little things that were not hard to do … he just was in the moment that way.

I spend my life thinking that I need to make John proud of me…but I thought that this was a personal issue for me…until recently when I received an email from one of John’s dearest friends. She just earned her PhD and I emailed her my congratulates, when she wrote back that not only did she dedicate her theses to John she also lamented the fact that he wasn’t there to share in this accomplishment (as he was when they both graduated from Syracuse) ….and then she echoed the statement that I use so often;

“ I guess I would just like to know that I made John proud.”

 which, of course, he would be because he really got excited when people succeeded at things they love. He would have been the first to read her thesis…marveling at the contents and telling her how smart she is and what an interesting topic she chose. He would have been so honored and humbled by her dedication…he would tell her in one hundred ways…he was proud of her.

And that brings me to think …as I have so many times in the past…how do you make that kind of an impact on people…what do you do to make people want to please you, even when you haven’t seen them for 5 years! How do you inspire that kind of devotion in people? I am in awe of that and think it is probably his best attribute…one I can never lay claim to. (his father is responsible for passing on that trait)

So on this full moon when you will probably be with lots of people…try to think of ways you can  inspire this kind of admiration in others…maybe you help someone with their blanket as you watch the fireworks…or pick something up for them as they pack up from the beach…or hold back when you really want to give someone a hard time…can you imagine the world if more people acted this way? Let John’s impact on others influence your behavior this holiday weekend and make it a celebration for all!

June 2012

Full Strawberry Moon – June This name was universal to every Algonquin tribe. However, in Europe they called it the Rose Moon. Also because the relatively short season for harvesting strawberries comes each year during the month of June . . . so the full Moon that occurs during that month was christened for the strawberry!

Hello June….here we are again…fifth year now and they are always the same. I start to get anxious as soon as spring comes…dreading the fact that I know I have to “gear up” to fight the sadness that comes with June 3^rd.  Oh, how I wish I could just wipe that day off the calendar every year…but unfortunately it would not be the only day I would ditch and when you count holidays, birthdays, etc. the year would be only a few months long by the time I was finished!

Every year I think back to the first year we lived without John…it is not true that time heals…I am finding that I miss him more because as time marches on I have things I want to talk to him about…I wonder what he would think of the babies…what would he say about current events…he was so well read I would like to know his opinion about lots of things.

I also wish he was around to help his dad …. they had fun together and as John got older he liked to give a hand, especially moving things…John was actually stronger than my husband as he grew..so he was a big help. I would like to see his face when we got the Pruis…I know he would have been surprised and happy.

At this time of year I hear from lots of John’s friends. Often they tell me a story of something he did or said…and I have to say, I am so comforted by the fact that he has friends who not only still think of him, but who are kind enough to let me know it. It is weird but I really like the fact that he was important to other people…. and I love the stories, they are always moving and funny, so they make me remember him as though it was yesterday.

Memories are comforting but his things. … that is a different story. I have not been able to re-do his bedroom, still have all his clothes and even his textbooks! I can’t throw anything away, if he had it …it still lives! I even had his toothbrush and contacts until recently. It is sick, I know it…and I am trying to change my ways…slowly. But I have to tell you it is very, very difficult.  

I realized that the days I am most sad are usually when I unexpectantly come across something of John’s.  It is the shock of finding his “stuff” that can just bring me to tears…and if I am alone..I am in trouble for the whole day. You would think this would force me to get rid of the “stuff” but for some crazy reason it feels like I am throwing him away! So it stays….

Which leads to my message this month…try not to spend one more minute than you have to acquiring “stuff” that you really don’t need. It is only going to be hanging around for everyone to deal with after you are gone…instead….try to spend your time and money acquiring as many memories as you can with the people you love…because that is what is going to pull you through the tough times…and those memories are what will bring you comfort in the end…not the “stuff”, a life lesson I live every single day.

May 2012

The biggest full moon of the year is 11:35 pm today. This “Supermoon” will be the biggest because the moon’s orbit is not a perfect circle and it will be closest to the Earth today. The May full moon is predicted to be about 16% brighter than average.

To best view this weekend’s “Supermoon”, look for it just after it rises or before it sets, when it is close to the horizon. If you can catch a view of the moon behind buildings or trees, an effect produces an optical illusion, making the moon seem even larger than it really is.

The last “Supermoon” was in March of 2011. (Thank you Jill Kane J)

I happen to read a post on Facebook recently that asked people to remember the best day of their life…and only one person posted to it…I almost added to it but I thought I would just be “Debbie Downer” so I let it go…but I think about the best day of my life every single Mother’s Day. 

John was touring in May and he had a few days off around Mother’s Day. Mary’s mom was having a brunch and I told him to just stay there…I was very willing to share him. (I figured I had to start getting used to it as both my kids were getting older and it would be part of my life soon.) For some reason John was adamant that he and Mary come to Hamilton for dinner…which was going to translate into a 5 hour drive for them…I was not comfortable about it…thought it would mean that they would be too exhausted to have any fun at all…but he would not hear any of it…they were coming and that was that.

We all went to dinner that night and I can so clearly remember looking at my family and thinking how lucky I was that they grew into such likeable adults…I could not think of any people I would rather be with…I enjoyed them so much! I just could not have been happier or more content…I figured my job was over and .. go figure…they turned out well!

Just having my family together was the perfect gift to me..but on top of that John brought me two trees…a Japanese Maple to replace one that had died and another Maple from Mary’s Dad…such a thoughtful gift..and one I really needed too!! (I hated the empty spot in my garden where my cute little maple had been) The cards that the kids gave me made me cry…so heartfelt…I actually brought them to work to put under my blotter so I could look at them and remember how much I loved that day …and my kids.

How lucky was I to save those cards…it turns out it was the last card I would get from John…last time he would write “Love ya Mom” …last family event…every single day I wonder what he would think of our family now…what would he say about the twins…how funny he would be with them...would he see himself in them?…and this thought is echoed by everyone else….our family has grown but the hole is, and will always be there for all of us.

After John died I was given two trees from people who I love and they loved John…but we just could not keep them alive…but those two maples are still going strong…and every spring I smile when I remember the day I got them…and I think of how lucky I am to be able to remember the best day of my life! My message to you today is to appreciate the good days…take a minute to look at your life and take in your successes…don’t second guess the motivation of others when they offer a kind gesture…and hang on to them…they are a precious gift.  You don’t have to have a "SuperMoon" kind of event to matter…sometimes the "SuperPeople" are what means the most!

April 2012

April - Full Pink Moon –This name came from the herb moss pink, or wild ground phlox, which is one of the earliest widespread flowers of the spring. Other names for this month’s celestial body include the Full Sprouting Grass Moon, the Egg Moon, and among coastal tribes the Full Fish Moon, because this was the time that the shad swam upstream to spawn.

I have been waiting all year to write my blog for this month because it is National Poetry Month and the story I am about to tell happened to me last April.  I knew as soon as it happened that I would have next years April blog … I always worry that I won’t have anything to write about so I was more than a little relieved!

John had such a gift with words and could use these words to impact the lives of others.  You only have to listen to the lyrics of his songs to know that…but he wrote beautiful poetry too…and apparently his poems were also able to move people… and that is why this story is so perfect for this month.

Last year my office was in the high school, right down the hall from the head of the English department (Kristy); and as we began to chat we realized we had a lot in common…add to that …she was lovely, so who wouldn’t like her! Well, Kristy wanted to make Poetry Month a school wide event by putting poems everywhere in the school.  Teachers were urged to submit a favorite poem,  if they had one…and I considered using one of John’s because I thought that high school kids could relate to the poetic part of writing music and I was even going to put the name of John’s band on the poem in the hope that the kids would see that writing poems may pay off someday!!

Well, I forgot about it until I showed up for work the first day of April came and noticed a poem on everyone’s door… and I had not even printed my poem… I kicked myself for not being more organized and figured I had missed my opportunity. I confided how terrible I felt to a friend who also knew Kristy and she advised me to still try to do it…then left to run off some papers …well, who do you suppose was at the copy machine but good old Kristy, who was making a copy of the exact poem that I was going to use with the hope that I would let her put it on my door!

I couldn’t believe it! Not only was I surprised that she was so thoughtful to think to look for a poem John wrote but to find one… who knew he had anything on the web other than his RaRaRiot lyrics!

I was intrigued as to how Kristy found the poem and she told me she just did a search on the web…which I immediately did as well...I could not wait to find out how the heck John’s poem found its way to the internet…and the result brought me to tears ……of any of the many, many, publications that John has been mentioned in this one would mean the most to him…not only because of the prestige that the Harvard Review commands but because his childhood friend, Andrew, who had such a distinguished career at Harvard (undergrad and law) thought enough of John’s words to use it as the basis of his last article…it is worth reading so I have added it to this blog…it is so well written and the sentiment was clearly what John was thinking when he wrote his little poem… it just blew me away…to think that of all the thousands of words that Andrew read during law school it was the lines that John wrote years before he chose to use… John would be so proud of that…and honored (as are we)

I saw Andrew’s mom one day and tried to tell her how much that moved me…and I couldn’t even get it out…started to cry right in the parking lot of the plaza in our downtown…I don’t have the ability with words that John did….just hope that my tears said it all…and I also hope that you will be moved as well….enjoy!

Andrew Kalloch wrote this on April 30^, 2009 for the Harvard Review.

http://hlrecord.org/?p=10388

“Do you believe…

That mountains move at the request of an honest heart?


That all the thoughts of your lifetime surely cannot cease to exist when
your body alone has withered?


That all of the thoughts of your 
lifetime have not gone unheard?”
-John Ryan Pike (1983-2007)

March - Full Worm Moon

March - Full Worm Moon –As the temperature begins to warm and the ground begins to thaw, earthworm casts appear, heralding the return of the robins. The more northern tribes knew this Moon as the Full Crow Moon, when the cawing of crows signaled the end of winter; or the Full Crust Moon, because the snow cover becomes crusted from thawing by day and freezing at night. The Full Sap Moon, marking the time of tapping maple trees, is another variation. To the settlers, it was also known as the Lenten Moon, and was considered to be the last full Moon of winter.

I don’t know if this is a product of my personal experience or just that I am getting old …but it seems as though my life can be documented by the string of funerals I attend.  And we just added another… every time it happens I think back to the last time I saw the person and what I said. I ALWAYS wish I had said something more to them, hugged them more, or spent more time with them…I have never said to myself…oh, at least I …….  I have regrets every single time.

As we were driving to the wake I informed my husband that my sister and her husband were driving up from Cape Cod to join us and would be staying  the night.  Every time my brother in law is brought up my husband always comments on how much he loved John….and this night was no different…but this time somehow the conversation caused me to remark  that John’s patience with people probably came about because my brother in law was such a good role model…playing with them for hours at the beach or the pool…and then..as he grew…playing music with him….

My husband agreed that John did not get that trait from either of us…and he also told me I should tell my brother in law that I felt that way.

So, I did….my brother in law was modest and added that he wasn’t so sure about that…just as I would have expected…and funny…the same kind of reaction John would have given…but I must tell you…when I went to bed that night I was happy that I had said something to someone that truly reflected how I felt….something positive that they should know about…that they did make a difference  and impacted the life of another. I think that everyone deserves to know that they have made a difference in the life of someone else.  I started this idea at Christmas when I sent out cards (for the fist time in years and years) and in the card I wrote a note to people telling them of things I have appreciated…but after that night I have decided that I am going to do it all the time…whenever it comes to my mind…because this world is just way too full of negative comments….I am going to tell the bagger at the grocery store that he did a good job when my order is huge…I am going to call my hairdresser and tell her I love my haircut when I get home and realize that I can make it look just like she does…because the cut was that good….and most of all I am going to tell my family when they make me happy…which is often (they are great most of the time) ..as you can see …this is just not a hard thing to do, just open your mind to the nice things around you and then open your mouth and say them!!! …no one knows if there will be a chance to do it later…

And that is my message to you today, I do think you will be happier at the end of today for trying it…and you have the bonus of making others smile along the way!